10 Best Ayn Rand Tributes on Etsy

I had to stop Googling myself for awhile because some damn Bachelorette contestant stole my nickname and the results were flooded by how right or not right he is/was for some chick named Emily. Once that died down, I discovered the Randex through self-searches, which is an online database that collects any and every mention of Ayn Rand or her works that happens online. I'm on there... a lot.

I can't help it. I'm a huge fan of Ayn Rand's storytelling and despise everything else about her, which leads to a lot of articles. So today I thought I'd look at the maddest place on the Internet to see what little tributes people had cobbled together for sale on Etsy.

You can find a lot of pictures of Ayn Rand's face on Rosie the Riveter's body, which seems like exactly the kind of artistic co-opting she abhorred, but whatever. I chose this one from I Am John Galt for two reasons. One, I love the completely unmitigated gall he has in asking for $999 (Free shipping) for the painting. Two, the description under the painting is a rambling love letter to her philosophy that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt how important it is to read more than one author.

The Ayn Rand postal stamp has always confused me. What's more state-ist than the post office? Was the U.S. Postal Service being ironic, or is it a tribute to all the entrepreneurs that get their start thanks to the cheap and efficient deliveries available to Americans? Regardless, it's a great picture, and you can get it attached to this mint tin from Objectively Charming. Perfect for holding gold coins or those special cigarettes you can only buy with said gold coins.

See also: 4 Brilliant Authors and Why They're Douchebags

Justine Paige uses that same image in this dog tag necklace, which she says is "feminine, yet bold and confident." Her other works are tiny assault rifle necklaces, as well as one featuring the words "wisdom" and "compassion." Paige just doesn't get it.

This item from Book Safe Shop is the most amazingly literal thing I have ever seen. It is a hardcover copy of Atlas Shrugged that has been hollowed out in order to make a hidden safe so you can keep your money away from moochers who would steal it. Nothing has ever been so little ironic.

I have a new favorite artist of all time, and her name us Miss Automne. Her White Whine series of drawings is one of the most punk rock things I have ever seen in art. Here we have Rand and Gavin McInnes, the "Godfather of Hipsterdom," high fiving in a dumpster. Other works include a drawing of Ann Coulter suddenly getting her period, and my favorite, "My Last Dollar Drawing a Cock on Donald Trump's Face."

More Ayn Rand handicrafts on next page.

There's something odd to me about liking Ayn Rand's work well enough to know that Galt's Gulch is the objectivist paradise where all the rich people flee to get out of paying taxes, but to also ride a bike. Specifically, a bike that needs a hand-painted bell. That's what Psykel Chic offers though, so if you're a brilliant capitalist that also like to keep your carbon emissions down while signaling your approach with a jaunty jingle jangle, then you've got the hook-up. Butterfly and vampiric kitty designs also available.

Desire Books has a sense of humor. Their felt portraits series lovingly recreates famous authors and poses them with a book that most accurately describes their philosophy in life or some other aspect. In Rand's case, it's a tome called Don't Touch My Stuff, a fair representation of the virtuous selfishness she preached. It doesn't hold a candle to the Sylvia Plath one, though. That one is titled, What's Cooking, Good Looking?

See also: 5 Things the Right Doesn't Understand About Atlas Shrugged One More Time

Just in case you were planning on sleeping soundly tonight, here's a painting that will ensure that you spend the darkness waiting for the visions and the sounds of the loons, the loons, the loons to pass. It's the work of Hypgnosis, whose artwork generally runs the gamut from disturbing to... nope, sorry. It just sets up shop at disturbing, actually. The idea of the acrylic piece of Ayn Rand reincarnated as a vestigial twin, just alive enough to beg for a hand out with a tiny malformed hand like some kind of horribly ironic version of Kuato from Total Recall.

I hate dolls. They're soulless empty shells just waiting to be filled with malice... which I guess makes this one of Ayn Rand so appropriate. Handmade by Uneek Doll Designs (I'm not sure if finding a unique way of spelling "unique" is insane or brilliant) the 4-1/2 inch tall representation is made of wood, wire, and clay. She sports handmade clothes, real fiber hair, and carries a copy of Atlas Shrugged. Stick her in Barbie's dream house and watch her not pay property taxes!

And just to prove that there are no hard feelings, I'd like to end with something wonderful that never would have existed without Ms. Rand. That's the video game BioShock and its libertarian utopia under the sea inspired by Rand's philosophy that ultimately degenerates into a civil war fought by golems and murder mutants. This painting by Abuse of Reason Art is simply stunning, and captures both the beauty of man's accomplishments and the horrors that arise when greed is unchecked. It was even featured on the official Facebook page.

MORE ETSY MADNESS FROM JEF 10 Most Horrifying Silent Hill Items on Etsy 10 Best Artwork of Hitler on Etsy (NSFW) 10 Most Amazingly Bizarre Paintings of Obama on Etsy Top 10 Zack Morris-Inspired Items on Etsy

Jef has a new story, a tale of headless strippers and The Rolling Stones, available now in Broken Mirrors, Fractured Minds. You can also connect with him on Facebook.

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