Film and TV

10 Funniest Sentences on Conservapedia

Conservapedia, in case you don't know, was started as a rival to Wikipedia in 2006 by Andrew Schlafly in order to counteract what he felt was a definite liberal bias to the site. Thus was born another free online encyclopedia that kept things more in line with conservative and creationist values as well as one of the most unintentionally hilarious websites on the planet.

So when I get blue after seeing, say, a woman that feels she needs to show her support for Chick-Fil-A by fashioning her greasy chicken sandwich wrapper into a badge and wearing it proudly on her chest - yes, that really happened to me last Wednesday - I like to spend a few minutes hitting "random" on Conservapedia and laughing my butt off.

Here are my ten favorite gems, and some of them are surprising.

Goth (subculture)

"At least some subsets of Goth culture can be clearly seen as a cults such as the EMO (see external link)."

This one is hilarious for a multitude of reasons, not the least of which is calling Emo a subset of goth as well as referring to it as THE EMO! Like it's the freakin' Illuminati. That external link, by the way? Leads to an article that explains goth music and culture about as well as I can explain the Higgs boson to you.

Toyota Prius

"The Toyota Prius is a hybrid electric vehicle made in Japan. It is very popular with homosexuals."

Apparently the question of whether or not owning a Prius is in and of itself gay is a very hotly debated topic. Seriously, go type it into Google and like three million pages come up including a lot of Yahoo! answers begging people to tell them whether they have to switch teams to drive hybrid.

Luckily, I speak gay and texted my lesbian sidekick to ask her her thoughts on the Prius. "I think they're hideous," she said. 'I'll keep my BMW named Fritzi, thank you very much." A male homosexual friend informed me that the only thing gay about a Prius would be if you were having gay sex in the Prius, which is impossible as people who own Priuses don't have sex.


"After the Flood, these kangaroos, bred from the Ark passengers, migrated to Australia. There is debate whether this migration happened over land with lower sea levels during the post-flood ice age, or before the super-continent of Pangea broke apart."

The article on kangaroos is a classic example of the lengths some people will go to pretend the Bible is a science text, but this entry baffles me. OK, I can go with the world isn't as old as science says and dinosaurs and man coexisted. Mostly because that idea, while wrong, is still awesome.

However, they apparently have no trouble believing that the continents of the Earth are zipping around in that creationist 6,000 year span. Pangaea going to what we have now in so short a span seems a little silly. Using some off the cuff math, I figured that means that continents should theoretically be moving at around ¾ of a mile a year. It would literally be fast enough for us to freakin' see happening.

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Jef Rouner (not cis, he/him) is a contributing writer who covers politics, pop culture, social justice, video games, and online behavior. He is often a professional annoyance to the ignorant and hurtful.
Contact: Jef Rouner