As Houston Press' bizarre Etsy art expert, I thought I'd see how a nation of crafty lunatics would portray our commander-in-chief. The answer is somewhere between "awesomely" and "needs medication badly."
Mike and Mollie took the title commander-in-chief a little too literally, and here we have Barack Obama looking like a cross between a Bjork dress and Turok: Dinosaur Hunter. The weirdest part is he sports a hammer and sickle button, and if anyone can explain to me where the Soviet Union and Native American heritage intersect then kindly let me know in the comments which mental health facility is offering the free wifi you're using to view this.
Anne Woods found great inspiration in the president's catchphrase of "Yes we can." She decided that meant she should pursue her painting with vigor and determination. In response, here's Obama as a Pez dispenser. Not an actual Pez dispenser, just a painting of one. I'm not sure if that's what he meant when he said it, but it's the thought that counts. The weird, weird, weird thought.
This piece is described by Psychic Unicorns as imagining our president as the cult cinema anti-hero John Shaft. I choose to describe it as, "President Obama's purple rage will leave thugs riddled with bullets as he rings the bell of liberty." Seriously, this is a lot of freakin' purple. Are we sure Prince didn't do this?
Obama's quote, "Somebody else made that happen" immediately divided the country into two kinds of people... those who think the context of a paragraph is important and idiots. Still, it was not his most elegant speaking moment, and I love how Tea Party Art has masterfully rendered him in a black moment of pathos as the quote hovers above his head. It is seriously a wondrous work of atmospheric art.
Compared to some of the other entries on this list Zerflin's work is damn near tame. On the other hand, it looks like the poster for the movie we might see about Obama in five or six years that would be directed by Spike Lee... who in this alternative universe didn't forget how to make good movies. A guy can dream, can't he?Rocks Off The 10 Most Bizarre David Bowie-Themed Items on Etsy
I really don't know what to make of Vincent Salerno's work, honestly. It's sort of like if Hieronymus Bosch decided to illustrate Alex Jones' thought process on a sixth grader's Trapper Keeper. Plus, at $20 it's cheaper enough so you'll have funds left over to buy the drugs that would be necessary to fully appreciate the piece.
Ace Troy really does not like Sarah Palin. I mean really, really doesn't like her. You might have picked that up from this spray-paint on recycled wood image of Barack Obama laughing at her topless. It seems a strange way to channel political rage, but there's clearly some talent involved.
There's more than a few paintings out there depicting Obama as a Satanic-themed heavy metal enthusiast. I don't get it myself, as he is clearly more into classic Motown than anything else. That said, I've got a soft spot in my heart for Rage Pager's rendering of him as a brand-X King Diamond member, which for some reason is embossed over a page from a vintage dictionary. It's a steal at $9, frame not included.
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Presidential erotica is a somewhat niche market due to the fact that most of us aren't really into the idea of elder statesmen as naked thrusting sex machines. Still, I've got to admit that Erotic Art Studios did a pretty fantastic job making a swooning Hilary Clinton yearn for the drone strike of Obama's kiss. I'm not sure if it's $900 good, but if you've got the cash to drop on it I suggest you hang it in your home during Thanksgiving and watch all your political relatives finally sit in awkward silence instead of running at the mouth throughout the meal.
And finally, here we have Jason Heuser's painting of Barack Obama astride a lion with a crossbow and a lightsaber, presumably at a press conference announcing that from now on he will ride lions while wielding crossbows and lightsaber. Sharp-eyed readers will notice that Obama has carved "HOPE" into the stock of his ballistic weapon, to remind himself that anything is possible as long as you command apex predators and the Force.
We weren't kidding about presidential erotica. It's been going on since Thomas Jefferson and in the election it got bizarre. If that doesn't destroy your sanity, try the 10 Most Bizarre Valentine's Gifts on Etsy.