Film and TV

10 Most Bizarre Tom Selleck-Related Items on Etsy

Recently I joined a Super Summer TV Fun Club with Pete Vonder Haar and Abby Koenig because I really can't begin to describe to you how unbelievably lame the three of us are. Seriously, the fact that we somehow got married (To other people I mean, trigamy would at least be worth a reality show) is astounding when you consider our total amount of combined cool is barely enough to turn ginger ale tepid in this heat.

Last week Pete decreed that we would watch Magnum P.I., and I actually ended up enjoying it a great deal. I was two years old when "Did You See the Sunrise" premiered, so this was really my first exposure to Tom Selleck's most famous role other than in mustache memes. I can certainly see why people are still holding onto it three decades later.

As with any new find, my first course of action is to visit Etsy and see what kind of wackalunacy the people who craft by hand offer as tribute to their chose pop God. Here's what Thomas Magnum and his private investigation shenanigans hath wrought.

Flashback Summer TV Club: Magnum P.I., "Did You See the Sunrise"

I'm going to take an unpopular stance here... this whole mustache thing you Internets keep doing is stupid. Yes, a handful of men in Hollywood rock awesome mustaches, but pretty much everyone else looks like they let Stephen Gammell draw on their face while they were passed out. A handful of admittedly cool facial hair trendsetters have gained enough cult-like blind worship that folks such as David Ling sell ridiculous things like this. C'mon, guys, there's more to life than hair and bacon.

You know what really sells this tie by Nicole Krecicki? The fact that if you wear it with just the right suit coat buttoned up it will look like Tom Selleck is sneaking out of your torso to spy on the boobs of the girl you're talking to. That's not fashion, friends, that is performance art!

Help me out here, folks, because I really fail to understand the appeal of a piggy bank that's only 3" X 5" (Or even how that necessarily applies to a mostly spherical object). A quarter is almost an inch wide, how much meaningful coinage do you expect to get in this thing? Then again, if you're secreting tiny amounts of money into miniature faceless pigs sporting no eyes but only a magnificent snout and Tom Selleck-inspired mustache it's likely you have other problems I'm not qualified to know the answer to.

Cate Reynolds was taking a painting class, and was assigned the project of a copying a well-known artist's style into their own piece. She chose Kehinde Wiley, who got famous taking people he saw on the streets in urban centers and painting them posed as subjects did for the Renaissance masters. Her subject was Tom Selleck, and she portrayed him as Adam in the Garden of Eden. Your guess is as good as mine, folks.

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Jef Rouner (not cis, he/him) is a contributing writer who covers politics, pop culture, social justice, video games, and online behavior. He is often a professional annoyance to the ignorant and hurtful.
Contact: Jef Rouner