A strange off-shoot of my dislike of guns in real life is that I am a fanatic for ridiculous weaponry in video games. And sure, I'll love me a BFG, or a Gravity Gun. Maybe I've played through Resident Evil with the infinite ammo rocket launcher six times without a break and maybe I haven't,
However, those weapons can't truly satisfy my repressed need for guncentric overkill, but these most certainly can.
10. Land Shark Gun Armed and Dangerous lives up to its name with all kinds of bizarre and destructive armaments, but nothing tops the Land Shark Gun. It does just what it says it does by firing a 20-foot Great White Shark that burrows through the soil and comes up under your target to devour them.
9. Cerebral Bore
People forget sometimes that despite being a Nintendo console the N64 had some really dark stuff going on sometimes. Like in Turok 2 for instance. Turok goes all Tall man on the dinosaurs with a brain-seeking flying drills that creates blood gushers in their freakin' skulls.
And then it explodes because of course it does.
8. Chicken Gun
The makers of Crysis Warfare decided to mess with pirates. If you boot up a pirated version of the game, all your bullets become chickens. So you just wander around firing an endless barrage of chickens, as do your enemies. The chickens do no damage, but they can destroy buildings. Despite the lack on in-game murder I am keeping it on the list in hopes someone will, one day, realize that we will pay through the nose to fire an ultimate chicken rifle that does actual damage.
7. Black Sheepinator The Sheepinator is a recurring gun in the Ratchet and Clank series, and it's job is to turn enemies into sheep. That's fine as far as things go, but in Going Commando you could upgrade to the Black Sheepinator. It still turns enemies into sheep... but they explode after that. Now that's an upgrade.
6. Dubstep Gun Only one game deserves to be listed twice in this article and it's Saint's Row IV. I've never figured out if this game is sincere or a parody of other games, but it sure has got you set for shooting people. Consider the Dubstep Gun... it fires dubstep, and then rains down more dubstep. Ridiculous? Not as bad as the...
5. 'Merica The ultimate in second amendment freedom! What the 'Merica lacks in ingenuity it makes up for in kaboom. One press of the button fires two machine guns, the fully-automatic shotgun, a minigun, a rocket launcher, a flamethrower, and a high caliber pistol
4. Sai Fung Everything about Bayonetta is crazy, but the Sai Fung, better known as the Gunchucks takes the cake. You wield the chained guns exactly as Bruce Lee wielded nunchucks (In fact Sai Fung was Lee's childhood nickname), except that the bottoms fire bullets that ricochet a maximum number of six times.
3. Barn Blaster How about something old school? Earthworm Jim 2 was famous for some of its guns, but nothing beat the Barn Blaster. For all intents and purposes the gun was so powerful that it had to be encased in brick just to fire, and doing so not only destroyed the gun, but knocked Jim out for a second as well. So few video games weapons show the heroes waking up from a wicked recoil wondering what the hell just happened.
2. Tediore Rocket Launcher As Claptrap says in Poker Night 2, "According to our resident gunologist, there are over 200 skajillion different kinds of guns on Pandora." Nothing tops the Tediore Rocket Launcher in Borderlands 2 though. Why, because when you run out of ammo the gun itself launches right at your enemy. That's taking the whole "throwing the gun at Superman" thing to 11.
1. Mr. Toots The best gun ever created for a video game, though? Hands down it's Mr. Toots, the rainbow-farting unicorn from Red Faction: Armageddon. The perfect combination of family-friendly appeal and mindless, bloody rampage, Mr. Toots speaks to the suppressed murderer in all of us. That's why he's No. 1.
Jef has a new story, a tale of headless strippers and The Rolling Stones, available now in Broken Mirrors, Fractured Minds. You can also connect with him on Facebook.
