10 Naughty Things To Put In Your Easter Basket

It's about that time to start packing those Easter baskets for the kids, hiding those eggs, frantically looking for a church to go to April 24 to appease our God with your presence, and to change your fire alarm batteries in your home. The latter is just good practice, no matter what the holiday. Just saying.

Easter doesn't just have to be for the kids in your life, you can also make it a dirty, depraved affair with some of the items on our list for your mate. Definitively without children involved. For the love of the Zombie Jesus in the sky, do not accidentally give this erotic Easter basket to your children. We're sure that means some sort of jail time, psych tests, odd conversation at dinner until you die, and also the award for "Most Awesome Parent Evar" if you have teens in high school.

1. Furry Porn DVD

Because someone has to buy them, and Rule #34 is now a federal law.

2. Candy Body Paints

Paint your body with deliciously naughty words, or use the colors to critique the parts of your mates body that you have grown to loathe.

3. Roger Rabbit Blow-Up Doll

Maybe the late '80s were a confusing time for you.

4. Carrots

Nude-trition? That's all I got.

5. Easter Peeps

Nothing really dirty here, these are just pretty tasty. Ever notice how the yellow and pink ones taste different somehow?

6. Egg Vibrator

Get one with a remote control and make Easter service at church an event worthy of Penthouse.

7. Edible Cock Ring

...or a really cool bracelet?

8. Edible Chocolate Thong

There's a chocolate joke here somewhere but I'm too busy watching a video of this rabbit humping a dog to think of one.

9. Sexy Bunny Costume

Just checked, they don't have one in male big & tall sizes. Looks like it's time to lay off the Luby's breakfast buffet.

10. Rabbit Vibrator

The name is a very misleading. I was hoping for a huge rabbit that vibrated, like Harvey, not this futuristic, torture device-looking thing. Women are weird.

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Craig Hlavaty
Contact: Craig Hlavaty