We all have that friend who, despite whatever he or she tells you, keeps a sword hanging on his wall on the off chance he has to fend off a home invasion with his blade of choice. He may tell you that it's hanging on his wall because he appreciates the game/movie/historical era it comes from, but the truth, even if it's just on a subconscious level, is that he really hopes he actually gets to use it one day.
Or so I assume. Between you and me, I never understood the appeal of the "sword as wall decoration" thing when we live in a world where we could buy and mount dinosaur bones, album covers and diplomas onto our walls.
At least, I didn't understand until I read this story about how a Katy man defended himself from his girlfriend's ex-husband with a replica of the greatest video game weapon of all time, The Master Sword from The Legend of Zelda. That guy got to live the dream of everyone who has ever ordered a replica sword online.
Between The Katy Master Sword Home Defender, the Phoenix Light Rail Samurai, Game of Thrones and yet another Hobbit movie, it's a good time to be a fan of the sword, even if their existence in modern culture leads to all sorts of weird questions.
1. Does this mean that anyone who has ever mounted a sword on his wall can totally justify it now?
I mean, it totally worked out okay for that one guy, if you ignore the whole "getting smashed on the head with a flowerpot" thing.
2. When it comes to "wasting money," if buying swords isn't crazy, does that mean that buying survival guides isn't crazy either?
I mean, just because I don't need to know how to survive falling out of a plane now doesn't mean that knowledge might not come in handy one day.
3. What about handbooks on how to be a ninja or survive a zombie apocalypse?
I mean, the world is a strange place where people sometimes have to fend off home invasions with video game weapon replicas, so zombies really can't be completely out of the equation.
4. If I walk around in public with a sword in a scabbard, is that considered open carry or concealed carry?
I mean, that might be something good to know.
5. Should we all be taking fencing classes in case duels become a thing again?
I mean, a man willing to carry a sword around with him in public is probably a man willing to fight to defend his honor.
6. Are glove manufacturers excited about the prospect of duels becoming a thing again?
I mean, you can't have a proper duel until someone gets slapped in the face with a glove; there are rules.
7. With swords and arrows (thanks, Hunger Games) both on the rise, are people who go to RenFest bummed their hobby is going mainstream?
I mean, some comic book fans are bummed people who don't read comics are in love with Loki now.
8. Swords are cool and all, but does this mean we have to be on the lookout for hordes of thugs carrying pens?
I mean, the pen is mightier than the sword if clichés are to be believed.
9. Can The Master Sword story be used to justify buying other, less practical weapons?
I mean, you know someone is trying to use this story as an excuse to convince his loved one to let him buy a Bat'leth.
10. If I'm looking for a new career, is now the time to jump into blacksmithing?
I mean, even if the sword bubble bursts, people are always going to need blacksmiths... right?
Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.