Lists

Ten Times White Supremacists Got What They Deserved On Film

Never gets old.
Never gets old. Paramount Pictures

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“It’s Beautiful!”
Movie: Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
Fiction/Nonfiction: A lot of superstitious hocus-pocus.
The Deets: Having villainously seized the Ark of the Covenant, the Nazis – under the leadership of French archaeologist René Belloq – ill-advisedly open the Ark, unleashing the “power of God,” who is unsurprisingly not down with a bunch of anti-Semites.
Notes for Neo-Nazis: Seriously, did no one think this through? Even Deitrich, the lantern-jawed German Colonel, expresses his reservations about the idea of a “Jewish ritual.”

Even the Undead Can’t Help the South Rise Again
Movie: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
Fiction/Nonfiction: Fiction…or is it?
The Deets: After the death of their 5,000-year-old leader, a horde of Confederate vampires (vampires feed on slaves, which is why they’re on the side of the South) are defeated by Union troops armed with silver weapons. You'll have to trust me on this, since I couldn't find an actual clip of that scene.
Notes for Neo-Nazis: Saying the South fed off their slaves isn’t far off reality.

"I Hate Illinois Nazis"
Movie: The Blues Brothers (1980)
Fiction/Nonfiction: Fiction, maybe.
The Deets: When Jake and Elwood are held up on their way to get the band back together by a Nazi march, they use the only means at their disposal (an ex-police cruiser 1974 Dodge Monaco) to disperse their adversaries.
Notes for Neo-Nazis: Fox News only recently deleted an article advocating just this tactic.

Kroenen Krushed
Movie: Hellboy (2004)
Fiction/Nonfiction: C’mon
The Deets: SS Colonel Karl Ruprecht Kroenen was head of the occult Thule Society, and instrumental in implementing Project Ragna Rok, which brought Hellboy into our world. Unfortunately, he also killed Hellboy’s surrogate father, Professor Bruttenholm, something half-demons tend to take umbrage at.
Notes for Neo-Nazis: By all means, keep fooling around with the occult, you weirdos.


“I Read Your BOOK”
Movie:
Patton (1970)
Fiction/Nonfiction: Nonfiction-ish
The Deets: After the embarrassing loss at the Kasserine Pass (and the subsequent organizational shake-up), the II Corps under General George Patton beat back an attack by German Army Group Africa and secured the first American victory against German armor in the war.
Notes for Neo-Nazis: Learn to read.
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Peter Vonder Haar writes movie reviews for the Houston Press and the occasional book. The first three novels in the "Clarke & Clarke Mysteries" - Lucky Town, Point Blank, and Empty Sky - are out now.
Contact: Pete Vonder Haar