Random Ephemera

4 Most Ridiculous Groups Waging a War on Halloween

We've all been told there is a war on Christmas, and if there is it would be perfectly understandable. After all, the last thing we saw increasingly annexing this much territory every year was Nazi Germany. I'm not trying to compare a holiday to the Holocaust or anything, just that November and now October have fallen to Santa like Poland and France fell to Hitler.

All horribly inappropriate humor aside, Christmas is safe. In part I'm sure from all those brave souls who risk their lives urging us to keep Christ in Christmas from the bumpers of their Kias. It's Halloween that is now under attack from all sides, and I do mean all sides. The beloved American tradition descended from various pagan rites has always had its detractors, of course, but in recent years they've branched into social media to try and take their assault on the Pumpkin King viral.

Today we expose those parties. Not because they are any kind of an actual threat. Protecting Halloween motivated the candy industry to alter time itself in a way the Doctor would've been edgy trying. No, we're just here to laugh at them.

Jesus Ween

It's probably not a surprise that the same kind of people that believe Harry Potter would lead people to Satan think Halloween is the lube that lets the Devil in your back door nice and easy. Those people could point out that the best parts of Harry Potter, such as love, magic, bitch-slapping demons, raising from the dead, and taming dragons, are all things J. K. Rowling ripped off from Jesus, but they burn books instead. Their approach to Halloween is equally silly.

Jesus Ween is a global initiative that is supposed to expose people to the teachings of Christ. The organization claims the world sets aside October 31 every year to celebrate ungodly images and evil beings, so they wish to combat it by calling it Jesus Ween or, and I swear I'm not making this up, World Evangelism Day. How do they go about their work? By handing out pamphlets on Jesus you can print out on their website to trick or treaters.

They aren't even the awesome ones by Jack Chick that are at least fun to read. Instead you get bland, unimaginative scripture over stock pictures of kids. At least they're providing amusement by having Chest Strongwell mad at them.

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Jef Rouner (not cis, he/him) is a contributing writer who covers politics, pop culture, social justice, video games, and online behavior. He is often a professional annoyance to the ignorant and hurtful.
Contact: Jef Rouner