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4 Things Everyone Gets Wrong About Werewolves

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Anne Rice is coming to Houston on March 21 to do a signing of her new book, The Wolf Gift, at Murder by the Book. We haven't read her latest, non-Jesus book thoroughly, but a brief flip through reveals the same awesome, trashy pulp style she used on the underrated Ramses the Damned. It's full of all the blood and sex that made her famous, not a bad beach-day read at all.

So maybe we're being a little pissy by pointing it out, but it seems like no one has any respect for the origins of the European werewolf that most of our films and books are based on. So much of it is just plain invention without any basis in legends from the dark ages. Since we're the kind of person who has Sabine Baring-Gould's authoritative treatise on the history of werewolves in our bathroom reading pile, it falls to us to clear up these misconceptions. Things like...

Bites Don't Do Anything But Kill You

Wolf Gift, like pretty much every other book and film since The Wolfman, gets going when an attack by a mysterious canine figure triggers a transformation from man to manbeast. Sometimes the plot involves a struggle for a way to stave off the coming change, or sometimes it's all about a character's embrace of the primal. Whatever the case, you'll be hard pressed to find a fictional universe with werewolves that doesn't follow the premise that at least some forms of werewolfism are spread through bites.

That idea is only as old as 1941. That's when it shows up for the first time in the Lon Chaney Wolfman. The appeal is tied in to the same appeal as a vampire's bite, namely that the victim is an innocent. It enables us to identify with a character that is in a set of extraordinary circumstances. That's why it has remained so popular, but in traditional werewolf mythology, the only thing you get from a bite is a case of either death or festering infection. The innocent-victim thing is certainly a load of dogshit because...

All Werewolves Get Their Powers from Satan

The other thing about the appeal of the bite, or in a lot of modern fiction heredity, as a cause is that it allows you to sympathize with the character. After all, you can't blame someone for being attacked, and you certainly would feel like an asshole for calling someone a monster for the circumstances of their birth. You'd be a lot less likely to throw in your lot with them if you knew that both causes are lies from the father of lies.

Most court accounts of people accused of being werewolves involve a voluntary transformation either through pacts with Satan or through magical charms, which was obviously considered demonic by the courtly authorities. Please bear in mind this wasn't magick with a "k." This was magic designed to straight-up murder people. Transformation was usually the result of a salve, or a wolfskin belt. Once caught for their predations, the devil usually took away their magical artifacts, which was their explanation for why they couldn't transform any more.

The Full Moon Is Mostly Meaningless

You'll notice that we didn't mention the fact that the magical items that enable transformations into wolves only work during the full moon. That's because they didn't. Any time the urge to kill and eat children came upon you, just strap on your furry belt, moisturize with the fat of unbaptized babies and you were good to go no matter what phase the moon was in.

Psychopathic behavior does occur in relation to the full moon. The most famous example is that of the unsolved case of the Monster of Florence. The Italian serial killer murdered 32 people over the course of 17 years. Most of the attacks happened during the full moon. Considering that werewolves were pretty much just mentally disturbed people, it's easy to see where the link comes from.

Silver Isn't Particularly Important

Only silver can kill a werewolf, as best proved by the werewolf in The Monster Squad that survived being blown up by dynamite. (Though we think that should've done it because of the silver nitrate... also because it's freakin' dynamite.) Now, there are accounts of historical werewolves being hunted down with silver bullets, including the Beast of Gévaudan in the 18th century, and a Brothers Grimm story.

However, there is no reason to assume that only silver can kill a werewolf, In fact, you know what works the best? Fire. If you can fight fire with fire, then you can fight pretty much anything with fire. That's why it's fire. Over 600,000 people were burnt at the stakes during European witch trials, as being a werewolf was often linked with witchcraft or Satanism. It wasn't silver fire, just the plain everyday stuff. So don't worry about the silver bullets. Sure, they'll kill a werewolf, but then again bullets kill most things, don't they?

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