5 Facebook Timelines That Might Be Worth Reading

Keep Houston Press Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Houston and help keep the future of Houston Press free.

This past Friday, Facebook officially rolled out its new application, Facebook Timeline. Facebook first introduced the Timeline concept back in September and has been slowly implementing it throughout various countries. The Timeline is a Facebook application that displays your past news feeds, posts, photos, videos and everything in between, in more of a chronological display. You can highlight the memories you want to stand out and hide those embarrassing moments that someone felt the need to post to your page. It is a selective history of your life!

Naturally, there have been rumblings of negativity; if Facebook ain't broke, why do they keep fixing it? As with most things related to the social media monstrosity, the little person has no say and if you are so enraged about the modification, well you can just quit Facebook and go back to Myspace.

Like it or not, beginning December 26, your Facebook page will get its Timeline makeover. Before it goes live, you have seven days to alter the page to your liking, so get to it while you can.

We took a look at our own Timeline preview and we're neither impressed nor annoyed. It's not much of a thrill to relive how utterly boring your life has been over the past several years, nor to be forced to review your bad hair mistakes. There are many people out there whose Facebook history would probably make for an exciting Timeline; we are just not one of them. This got us thinking about whose Facebook Timeline we would be interested in checking out.

5. Louis CK

It's been a banner year for Mr. CK. He kicked off 2011 with his "Hilarious" Comedy Central special, and it was all uphill from there. He is the creator, star and producer of a boundary-breaking hit show on FX, he was nominated for an Emmy this summer and just this past week he broke the Internet when his new CD sold 50,000 copies in under 12 hours. There would probably be some entertaining videos of him in compromising situations as well.

4. Gargamel

We would love to see Gargamel's Timeline. Where did this intense hatred of the Smurfs stem from? Would his Timeline take us back to a post where some wizard friend shared a link to a magic potion that used Smurfs as the main ingredient? Does he have a "Kill Smurf" badge on his page and is he playing Mafia Wars against Azrael? Also, has anyone posted on his page that he looked really weird dressed up like Hank Azaria?

3. The Girl Who Accused Justin Bieber of Impregnating Her

If we didn't already know that this entire story was made up, how much fun would it be to see the evolution of this tale chronicled in a Facebook Timeline? Wouldn't she have posted about the fateful night that she met Bieber backstage and he took advantage of her? If we were her, we would not just re-post it on all of our friends' pages, but we would "like" it on all of our own posts. We assume when she first made claims to her baby's Bieber birthright, all of her besties were flipping out all over her Facebook page in exultation. But follow her Timeline and you will find a slippery slope. The baby looks nothing like Bieber, her cousin posts something about the baby's real father getting out of jail, the newspaper articles hit the stands, Bieber denies paternity and then...come the haters. The November 2011 section of her Timeline must be filled with nothing but pure, unfiltered, Beliebing abomination. 2. The Cobra That Escaped From the Bronx Zoo

Did this snake have a Facebook page? If you recall, in March of this year a cobra made headlines by escaping the Bronx Zoo. But it was his highly publicized Twitter page that really got people's attention. If Facebook could somehow transform the cobra's Tweets into a Timeline, it would make for a better NYC tourist guide than Fodor's could ever hope to be. 1. The Most Interesting Man in the World

The commercials for Dos Equis beer, featuring "The Most Interesting Man in the World," have been quite enjoyable this past year. What we would like to know is, what makes this guy so darn interesting? Naturally, his Facebook Timeline would have the Foursquare or Places app installed and we would be able to follow his travels to far-off lands like Tanzania or Boise, Idaho. It would also be very Timeline-worthy to peruse his Goodreads app to see what books he's been reading or give a critical ear to his Spotify list to find out what type of music he's into. Also, we want to know what pages he likes, because if he likes anything astrological or LOLcats, it's all over. We'll be the judges of just how interesting you are, sir.

Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.