Turns out there is something more rotten than those pumpkins that will soon be melting down your front steps, and they're called "anti-obesity fliers."
Yeah, anti-obesity fliers. Those are a thing now, courtesy of "Cheryl," a concerned resident of Fargo, North Dakota, who called her local radio station, WRIG, to explain her plan for attacking the childhood obesity crisis this Halloween, and it's a doozy. A rotten pumpkin doozy.
See, Cheryl has decided that she's now the fat police of Fargo. If your trick-or-treater doesn't meet Cheryl's height/weight restrictions, he or she will be handed a stern letter about how obese children should not consume sugar in place of that fun-size Snickers bar, because that's what nice people do to little kids on Halloween. Yeah, she's awesome.
As ill-advised as I find her plan, I'll give Cheryl the benefit of the doubt here, though, and say perhaps her plan was hatched in real concern for the childhood obesity epidemic. But even if intentions were indeed noble, there are a few concerns that I, as a parent, have with Cheryl's anti-obesity plan.
The main concern? Her plan flat-out sucks, and it's not going to work because it's fat-shaming.
But let's dig a little deeper on this one, shall we? Let's go past the obvious plan-sucking, and look at the hazards of handing out anti-obesity letters in place of candy this Halloween. Because yeah, it's an awful idea, and even if for some strange reason Cheryl's plan makes total sense to you, you really shouldn't follow suit. Especially if you like your car windows sans egg.
Here are five reasons you should never, ever hand out anti-obesity letters to random children, ever. Ever.