2. You have obviously forgotten one half of that whole trick-or-treat thing: the trick. And middle-school kids are vicious beasts, lady. Vicious beasts. Lady, you're brave if you're really thinking of following through on denying kids their candy on Halloween. I mean, you obviously must not like your car windows, or your house windows, or any of your decorations, because you're risking payback for those letters. Chubby middle-schoolers are like mini-adults with their egging aim.

Do you really want to unleash that beast? Dump the letters, hand out the candy, and save yourself a morning of cleaning up toilet paper and eggs. Trust me on this one.

1. As vicious as those middle-schoolers are, pissed off parents of those kids deemed "obese" are bound to be worse. Parents are supposed to be the guard dogs of their kids, and handing out notes that condemn or shame a kid is a sure way to set them off into pit bull mode. Kids -- especially those that fall into the average age of trick-or-treaters -- are perfect in their parent's eyes. Do you really want to light that damn fuse?

And you think those middle-school kids have good aim? Just try to stop the parent of that little round Cinderella you just handed an obesity note to. Those eggs will be a'hurlin', and it's just not worth the risk, to the kid or to your personal property. It's not worth the risk.

At the end of the day, it's not your business to label kids as fat, Cheryl from Fargo, North Dakota. They get that enough. They get the label from commercials, advertisements, and their favorite TV shows. They earn it on the playground, and unfortunately, sometimes they hear it at home. It causes real issues as they grow and develop, and there are already too many kids who have eating disorders as it is. Being deathly ill from malnutrition is no better than having high cholesterol and a gut. Trust me.

So ease up on 'em, and the name-calling, too. You aren't their peer group, but you're acting like a bully nonetheless. You took a bad idea and ran with it, and it's a shame that it's in the news. But it's not too late to rescind that bad idea and save not only some poor kid's self-esteem, but your car windows as well. Egg is hard as hell to scrape off.