This Carnival cruise ship just can't seem to catch a break, or rather, that's all it seems to be catching. The ship has been stranded since Sunday due to a fire in its propulsion system, and without the engines they seem to have lost a lot of the necessities. Slowly, the ship is being towed back to shore and was due to arrive Thursday evening but another snag has left the cruiser dead in the water (zing?). The tow ship, which had been pulling the boat to shore, snapped its tow line. Where the hell is Little Toot when you need him?
Apparently being stuck on a disabled cruise ship for five days is not all it's cracked up to be. Guests are complaining of overflowing toilets, feces and urine covering the decks, lack of food and the cancelation of bingo. It could be worse, though; you could be at work today and not have a Valentine and be forced to watch everyone around you get flowers and candy and have orgies. Glass is half full, people!
Terrible things happen at sea. Here are five movies to illustrate this point (Titanic not included).
5. Speed 2
Carnival cruisers, I know that you feel like you are in a pit of despair or a pit of other passengers that you just met during the "formal dinners" excrement, but there are many things to be grateful for. For one, you are not on a boat that has been hijacked by Willem Defoe. His creepy smiley face won't be appear at your family style dinner. There aren't explosives strategically placed all over the ship and you aren't headed towards an oil tanker (this is all speculation on my part about what's going on). And mostly, you won't be faced with an odd confusion about why Sandra Bullock is dating Jason Patrick when clearly she is meant to be with Keanu Reeves.
Combine last year's Italian cruise liner theCosta Concordia
with this current Carnival mess, throw in a 100 foot wave and Kurt Russell and you've got a pretty bad situation calledPoseidon
. This boat was completely turned upside down with no electricity whatsoever - total darkness and Richard Dreyfus. Carnival cruisers you guys have it good.
3. The Perfect Storm
Several of the reports coming out about the current state of the cruise ship is that people's rooms are flooded and they are unable to sleep in them. Many of the cruisers have grabbed their mattresses and have been sleeping under the stars. This sounds lovely. Luckily for them they are not on the deck of the swordfish boat theAndrea Gail
with George Clooney and Mark Wahlberg (although that company doesn't sound so bad to keep). TheAndrea Gail
found itself smack in the middle of the most perfect storm ever, which seems like an oxymoron to me. Be grateful, Carnival cruisers, that the weather is clear and your fishing boat isn't thrown into the middle of a hurricane.
2. Das Boot
Life could really be bad at sea. If the Carnival cruisers somehow found themselves in the famous 1981 German war filmDas Boot
, not only would they be in the middle of storms, massive waves, have sustained heavy damage to their ship, but they would also be Nazis fighting against the Allies. We all know how that one ended up.
1. Cabin Boy
I am sure that a lot of what the cruisers are thinking is "why me?" and "what bad luck we have for getting on this ship in the first place." Maybe they even feel that they must have gotten on the wrong ship for something this horrible to be happening to them. You know who really got on the wrong ship? Chris Elliot got the completely incorrect boat when he graduated from the Fancy Lad Academy and wandered into the worst movie of his career. Not being one a whipping boy for the of the Carnival's captain is something to be very thankful for. Also, you could just be Chris Elliot and since you're not, that is another thing to be grateful for.
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