Tacky weddings -- we've all been invited to at least one, right? I once went to a wedding--a low-key, weekend affair at a campground -- only to find "donation" jars scattered about the mess hall, asking for guests to chip in the cost of the campground rental. Of course, sometimes the guests are tacky right back -- like bringing an uninvited date, or telling you why your reception venue sucks.
But then there is the phenomenon known as the "theme wedding." I always thought that the wedding itself was the theme of the day -- white dress, nice suits, big cake, bad dancing -- but costume-loving folk have taken their interests and hobbies a step further, making them the central focus of Their Big Day. I'm not trying to be all Judgy McFingerpointy here, but after an exhaustive Internet search for themed weddings, I have to ask -- why? Maybe I'm boring, but unless you are getting married on Halloween, why the costumes? I'm not saying everyone needs a cookie-cutter wedding (if I had mine to do over again, it would be in my best friend's backyard in Alaska), but there is a time for tacky...and then there's a time for your wedding day.
I am not anti-hunting, or anti-hunter (I married one), and I love a good walk in the woods, but a camouflage-themed wedding? Just...no. I found this montage of camo-themed weddings and was horrified -- as horrified as I was when my husband picked up a camo-dyed vest when we went shopping for his tuxedo. Hunting is great, and I love a good moose steak, but unless your wedding includes an actual post-ceremony hunt, I vote skip the camo.
4. Heidi Klum & Seal
Theme: White Trash Wedding
Heidi Klum and Seal get married every year on their wedding anniversary. In addition to being rich, beautiful, talented and (seemingly) genuinely nice people, they are also hopelessly in love with one another -- and yet, they don't make me sick to my stomach. The pair are well-known for their love of costume parties -- they throw lavish, yearly Halloween celebrations -- and their re-weddings always feature a costume theme. In 2009 the couple caught a little media flack for throwing what was dubbed a "white trash wedding," with pregnant Klum wearing a bedazzled suit that showed off her baby belly and Seal sporting a mullet wig; Klum later corrected the media, saying the theme was merely "'80s inspired."
3. Pop Culture
Theme: Personal obsessions with fictional characters
I have loved many a fictional character in my day. As a child I eschewed Nancy Drew for the more relatable Trixie Belden; after reading Anne of Green Gables in my teens, I spelled everything with the British spelling ("favourite") for months; currently, Harry Potter is my boyfriend -- period. But a Trixie Belden or Harry Potter-themed wedding? I don't know. These folks, as featured on Lovelyish.com, have no qualms about incorporating their favorite characters: Star Trek, pirates, superheroes, zombies and Super Mario Brothers take center stage in some of the oddest wedding photos I've ever seen.
2. Kim Kardashian & Kris Humphries
Theme: Materialistic over-consumption
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Okay, technically this wasn't a "theme" wedding, but tell me I'm wrong! I'm not a Kardashian-watcher, but coverage was unavoidable during the lead-up to the wedding. When did a couple's wedding day become about making the most money possible? If it's tacky to explicitly ask for money "in lieu of gifts" -- and some argue that a gift registry itself is the height of offensive -- when did selling your wedding for profit become acceptable? And who is consuming this? Look, I'm not bragging -- I've watched a show about a Kardashian before. (In my defense, just two episodes of Khloe and Lamar, and she seems kind of like the coolest one.) I just do not understand the concept of inviting 450 of your closest strangers to your wedding and then making $20 million by selling press coverage.
1. Depression-Era Hobo
Theme: Poverty and homelessness
Nothing says romance like mock-deprivation? There isn't much I can say about this wedding that Helen Killer at Regretsy hasn't already said. This is like the anti-Kim Kardashian affair, and is somehow equally offensive. It's not hard to throw a pared-down, simple affair for your wedding, so why employ a hobo theme? Feeding guests who are dressed like they can't afford food, and who also brought you an envelope stuffed with money or 500-threadcount sheets just seems gross.