Random Ephemera

5 UNsexiest Vampires

True Blood starts up this weekend, and being Houston Press's resident high-five inspector, astrologist and vampire/vampyre expert, I will once again be bringing you my particular brand of coverage of the show as I have for the four years past. It's still a good show, though I suspect it's time to maybe pack it in and move on, and even in a world somewhat bloated on vampires, it still has its charms.

Between True Blood and the last Twilight film (Finally! Thank you, Vampire Jesus!), it's going to be another year not only of vampires, but of a particular kind of vampire. Namely, sexy vampires. Ashley Greene, Deborah Ann Woll, Jackson Rathbone, Alexander Skarsgård and on, and on, and on. These are extremely attractive people because apparently only underwear models become the undead.

Frankly, as much as I enjoy looking at any of these people without their clothes on, I've always been against the idea of the erotic monster. A vampire is really horrifying if you think about it. It's a rotting corpse that leeches off you. Now they're basically porn for people that think HIM is edgy. Well, I like my vampires hideous and horrible, so here's my tribute to the ugly.

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Jef Rouner is a contributing writer who covers politics, pop culture, social justice, video games, and online behavior. He is often a professional annoyance to the ignorant and hurtful.
Contact: Jef Rouner