Film and TV

666 Park Avenue:We are Running Out of Time Now

I don't know why it is so hard to take Whoopi Goldberg seriously, considering that she is an Academy Award winner and some consider her to be an esteemed actress. I think the issue is that all of the people who think good things about her are actually mistaken.

This week's 666 episode finds Whoopi and Jane chatting it up about the horrors of the infamous Drake building. Jane has found Whoopi and is looking to her for answers. I don't know what kind of answers she can possible have as the last time she left her apartment was during the '86 World Series. Nice, a Mets reference; I wonder if she was a Darryl Strawberry fan.

OK, since I last hung out with my friends at 666 Park Avenue (thank you Pete for pinch hitting and ultimately doing a better job than I have ever done trying to explain this inexplicable show), everything has gone to hell. In its defense, everything was already in hell; it is just now more obvious.

Jane is back from the hospital and trying to quell her temporary bout with being a nutso; sadly no one at the hospital attempted to cure her of her bad dye job.

Gavin has yet again found a potential politician to fall for Henry's white teeth and boyish charm. Gavin has set up a meeting but tells Henry he is unable to make it. He has some business to do such as figuring out why his wife is not taking his calls. He knows why; it's because she thinks she found her dead daughter. I think that warrants having calls go to voicemail.

Whoopi sits with Jane as she whines about the terrible things she's seen since moving into the Drake. Whoopi tries to make her comfortable by offering her some tea.

"This tea isn't going to get me stoned," asks Jane innocently. No, no, says Whoopi, it's only chamomile with a little bit of herb, "just to loosen up the mind." Whoopi then puts on The Dark Side of the Moon, busts out a box of Ho Hos and it's a party!

No, not really. Actually, she "hypnotizes" Jane, who finds herself walking into a bright white room that leads her to the Drake circa 1927. There's a party going on (big shock) with the usual past suspects. Jane's dead family is all there such as Peter, her sledge-hammering great granddad, and her grandmother at the age of 8. But Jane isn't Jane in 1927. She is someone named Libby, and this Libby does not have two-tone hair.

Libby or Jane or whatever the hell her name is sees Peter having a freak out; something is very wrong, oh yeah, he's about to kill his family.

Whoopi thinks that there is some connection between Jane and this Libby character, but I think it's more of a Jumping Jack Flash thing. It's a gas and someone is sucking too much gas to be sane any longer (READ: Jane).

OK, on the other side of the building, Olivia is chasing after her dead daughter because Shaw said she was still alive. Shaw tries to convince Olivia that her daughter faked her own death to get away from dad Gavin. If your dad was Locke from Lost, wouldn't you pretend to off yourself too?

Gavin goes to visit Whoopi, which is when we find out that she is being held captive in the Drake, like every other character in this show. She alludes to the fact that Gavin can't get to her because of some weirdo symbol on her door that was not there before Gavin showed up. It's like a curse or a lamb's blood on your door during Passover; Gavin cannot pass but will his first born be killed?

Jane calls the police officer who had helped her once before, and he is a cutey! Me thinks that there is a potential "sumthin, sumthin" going on here, especially when Jane convinces the cop to take his shirt off and bash a hole in the wall. In fairness, he is looking for a fireplace that was covered up by plaster 50 some odd years ago, and what guy wouldn't get undressed for that?

Henry gets shot down by his would be political ally because all of New York seems to know that Jane is cray cray. This is all so odd. It's not odd that Henry and his girlfriend live in a haunted building that has a penchant for death and destruction, which turns Jane into a psychopath, but how is all of Manhattan aware?

Jane convinces Whoopi to give her some more "hallucinogenic tea," (they say it's a gateway drug) and send her back to 1927. Bad move buddy. Jane/Libby finds herself wrapped up in whatever evil Drake nonsense Peter Kramer (her great granddad) has gotten himself into. PS - she is going to get killed.

I was hoping that Jane would get killed in a pot-induced dream sequence in the past, but I was wrong. She's fine... well, except for her horrible dark roots.

Olivia goes to find her dead/not dead daughter in an abandoned building, which you just know can't end well, especially given the fact that she's wearing some sort of gold toga. When she makes her way into the apartment (without knocking, which is just rude) her daughter is gone. Gunshots ring out. Olivia runs to Shaw, who has been shot, and begs him to really say whether her daughter is still alive. It's too late; dude is dead.

And then, just when I thought this was a decent episode, Whoopi Goldberg lets a white dove fly free out her window, which gives her the ability to leave the Drake, naturally. If you think that's stupid, maybe you will think its more ridiculous when Whoopi steps outside and turns into a hundred white birds. They disappear like a convict dressed up as a nun who blends in by singing gospel.

As the show comes to a close, Gavin makes his way through a crowded bar and addresses a young woman whom he identifies as Sasha - his and Olivia's dead/not dead daughter. And guess who it is, Henry's PR agent!

When it was announced early last week that 666 was canceled, I have to say I was pretty disappointed. No, this show is not anything remarkable, but it is entertaining and has kept me on the edge of my seat. Why has it not caught on already? My guess of why this show has not found its audience is because the plot is sloppy and the characters are very one-dimensional. The characters are fun when they are getting murdered; this doesn't make for a group of people we want to follow for any extended amount of time.

Hopefully, now the writers have had enough warning to wrap this show up in a somewhat understandable manner. The worst thing that could possible happen to this show is that it ends and we still have no 'effin clue why this building is haunted.

So... let's cut to the chase and just tell us what the hell is going on.

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Abby Koenig
Contact: Abby Koenig