A Men's Rights Activists Glossary

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I spend a lot of time talking about Men's Right's Activists because when they were handing out beats at the Houston Press staff meeting earlier this year I was in the hall shaking a vending machine to try and get a stupid bag of Funyuns to fall. That's today's lesson, kiddos. If you're late, all the good jobs will be taken by the time you get there.

So I go about my business exposing the terrible things that terrible people think, but time and time again I run into the question of "What is a MRA anyway? And what the hell do these things that look like words mean?"

In an effort to head off further inquiries and explanations, today I am creating a little helpful guide to the terminology used by the stayment ('Cause they ain't moving a damned thing except Pappy One F's gag reflex). Feel free to refer back to it whenever you run into their ALL CAPSian riddleboxes and get confused.

MRA MRA stands for "Men's Rights Activist" although many have rightly assumed it also stands for "Men's Rights Assholes". If you are totally new to the concept a MRA is someone who believes that feminism and women in general have already accomplished the wholesale enslavement of men in Western society, and further cement their hold by claiming victimhood to seize further power.

And before you ask, yes, there are female MRAs (Sometimes called "Honey Badgers"), and to answer your follow-up question, yes, they are just as bad if not worse. Like Erin Pizzey, who believes that men are so downtrodden that they cower in the corner of elevators when women come on lest they be falsely accused of harassment and hauled off to dick jail.

Gynarchy The gynarchy is the term used to identify the mass, unified Master Class of women that keeps men singing "Sweet Low, Sweet Chariot" in the fields. It is also imaginary, but not in a cool way like the Jabberwocky which at least makes its nonsense rhyme and sounds wicked as shit when Johnny Depp recites it.

If you're wondering why they don't use the word "matriarchy" to described a female fascist state, there's a good reason for that. Gynarchy removes the mother aspect of the idea, which I'm sure makes Thanksgiving a lot less awkward for the people that use the term. Also, in the end the idea of gynarchy is focused on the concept of a woman's vagina not as an instrument of birth, but through its potential for sexual control. Which brings us to...

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Hypergamy Reduced to the smallest common denominator the MRA mindset invests women with way more power than they could ever possibly wield based purely on their sexual abilities. In the same way that a lot of Anti-Semitism sounds like slavish praise of Jewish superiority while at the same time denouncing Jews as untrustworthy and bestial, your typical MRA thinks that an attractive woman can rule the world based solely on who she chooses to bone.

The resulting theory is hypergamy, where a woman chooses to only sleep with people who can advance her social status. She dates a bank vice president, cheats on him with the bank president, then starts taking it from behind from the bank emperor (I don't know how real jobs work). This pursuit leaves less successful men with no sex at all, according to MRA, and is a basic biological imperative of the female human. The result is...

Incel You may have heard of this term in connection with the Elliot Rodger shooting. In his looooooong manifesto, Rodger described himself as "involuntarily celibate" or "incel" for short. It's the status of a man who isn't worthy of the attention from women in a hypergamorous world, and it was Rodger's frustration at seeing women he desired having sex with people he considered beneath his social status that turned his rage murderous.

Adults will recognize "incel" by its more common title of "being lonely." It happens. You end a long relationship and are out of practice dating, get caught up in a demanding school curriculum, are forced to move to a new town for work, or maybe you're just not that great at meeting people. These are all ways people end up lonely and have a hard time connecting with a romantic partner.

You can do something about it, though. Join a local theater group or take a fun class to meet people with similar interests. Go to community events and try to find someone to chat with. Even if they aren't single or looking they may end up a friend and people know other people. Go get a hypnosis session on boosting confidence. Do literally anything but wander around in clothes you think will get you laid, don't talk to anyone, and then blame your unmilked boner on a fictional system of oppression.

Alphas and Betas MRAs are like scientists in that they use evidence from other animals to apply to humans. Scientists figure out what causes cancer in lab rats and try to see if the same is true in people. MRAs look at behavior in wolf packs and say, "Yep, that's us alright. Fits perfectly."

In MRA world you're either a cocksure, strutting, always-pushing-boundaries Alpha in control of the feminine world that secretly craves your dominance, or you're a sniveling beta like me that is nice to women in hopes of maybe getting to massage their hands after they cramp up beating off their Alpha Mandingo (Yes, MRAs are usually racists on top of everything else). Anything a man says that is contrary to the MRA ideology is derided as the weak-lipped placations of betas.

Which is sad because you know what gets you laid more than anything? Treating a woman as an equal that you respect and appreciate as a worthy human being and really meaning it. Trust me; male feminists don't go home alone. Being a big enough man to not need to own, denigrate, or trick a woman for affection is truly alpha.

Jef has a new story, a tale of headless strippers and The Rolling Stones, available now in Broken Mirrors, Fractured Minds. You can also connect with him on Facebook.

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