So, there is apparently a thing called "textiquette."
According to Urban Dictionary, "textiquette" is the proper behavior one should use when texting, i.e., responding promptly or the correct use of "lol."
Not quite grasping it? Need an example?
Brooke: God, why does it take so long for Taylor to text back? Jackie: That's because she has really poor textiquette
Some of you may have already known this handy little term for rude text etiquette existed, and are probably, most likely, without a shadow of a doubt, under the age of 20.
The rest of us? Well, we try not to make up words.
While we wholeheartedly admit the word "textiquette" is annoying, the idea behind it is pretty darn decent. You see, there needs to be such a thing as text etiquette, not only for the sake of our burning, emoji-scarred retinas, but for yours too. Safety first, folks.
And as annoying as that stupid "textiquette" word is, it's not nearly as awful as the irritating text responses below. They are the opposite of having textiquette, and while they can be powerful options, they should be used only in times of desperation or incredible drunkenness.
Should you choose to throw them around all willy-nilly, well, don't say we didn't warn you.
10. "Call me." Listen. We get it. For whatever reason, you want to chat on the phone. But the thing is, if an actual conversation had been warranted, that text message you're replying to would have been just that -- a phone call. Calling you, as you so kindly directed in your text response, is pretty much the exact opposite of what we were trying to do by texting you in the first place.
And by the way. If you're that person who is prone to sending "Call me" after someone didn't answer your call, you're an ass. Chances are good that the person is a.) busy and can't pick up the phone, or b.) ignoring the phone because they hate you. It's one or the other, so stop it. It's creepy.
9. "Lol," "Lulz," "Lololol," etc. We're all adults here, right?. Well, good. That means we're adults who know you are not actually laughing at whatever stupid crap we texted you while stuck in some awkward situation with our coworkers or with our family. Please stop it with this faux-laugh garbage.
Plus, we're pretty sure you're breaking all kinds of international laws by pretending to be a tween girl with the text talk. So rather than get arrested, perhaps it's best you just answer in adult words. We're just looking out for you on this one. You and our sanity.
8. "Nice." Okay, so maybe you're thinking about texting this because we're going to a bar after work and didn't invite you. Or perhaps you're thinking about texting this because we're going to six bars after work and didn't invite you. Who knows. But whatever the reason, just stop yourself before someone loses an eye.
We may not know why you're being pissy, but by texting "Nice," we just know you are. You are totally being pissy, and it's not nice, it's irritating. So if you keep it up with the fake niceties, we'll be tempted to text-spam you with drunken nonsense and blurry photos later to make up for it.
7. "Just saw this." Says the person with their iPhone permanently engrained in their appendage. No you didn't just see this, fool. We both know you saw it, but you were way too hungover and into that Vice documentary or Hoarders rerun to respond.
6. "..." You know what this directly translates to? It translates to "I totally saw your text, and you're a bumbling idiot, so while I am taking the time to acknowledge your idiocy, I am not taking the time to comment on your text."
We may know someone (who writes for a living) who responds like this when they find a text to be especially dumb. And that person is a jerk, by the way, because there's no doubt that it's infuriating on the opposite end.
5. "TTY L8R," "Y u wnt 2 no," "4 wat," or any other illiterate tween-talk one can conjure up. Stahp it. Don't respond to other adults like this unless you are looking for a word-fight. Only tween girls and people with phones without predictive text are allowed to text like this, and even then, it's barely socially acceptable.
Not to mention that we all know that most smartphones will try to fight this type of nonsense, and will correct this business so fast your grammar-hating head will spin. In order to type your "wat's" or "L8R's," you have to manually force the phone out of autocorrect, which means that you're not only irritating, but pretty hell-bent on douchiness.
4. An emoji puddle Nothing induces that "I want to punch you" feeling quite like a text message composed of nothing but nonsensical, strung-together emojis.
Yes, they're cute. No, you cannot send about seven lines worth of those stupid faces to a question about what you want for dinner. Unless, of course, you would like a plate of cyanide. Should you want some poison pudding, go right ahead and send an emoji puddle in response.
3. Silence ...this is not cute. Silence is not cute.
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to the mission of the Houston Press. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling Houston’s stories with no paywalls.
Support Our Journalism
2. "Good talk." So, this is kind of a response to a non-response. Let's just say we're busy and not glued to the phone right this instant. (Yes, it happens. Not often, but it happens.) This "good talk" business is the type of passive-aggressive response one sends over to silence on the other end.
And while it may seem like a good idea to text this in order to elicit a response from someone (probably inadvertently) giving you the silent treatment, it's never a good idea ever. Well, unless you're looking to be TEXT-SCREAMED AT INSTEAD. And no one wants that.
1. "K." Just...just please, please don't text this. Not in a box, not with a fox. Not here, not there, not anywhere.
So, you're pissed. Or you're lazy. Or you don't like the letter "O." Hell, we don't know. But what we do know is that "K," or any iteration -- "Kk," Kaaaaaaaaay," "K?" -- is so horrible, so vile, so absolutely irritating, that it makes us want to ink the missing letter on your forehead. 'K?