Air Sex Championships – Houston

Sex has always been a competitive sport. It just took people awhile to organize a league and have championships with rules and judges and actual prizes. The Air Sex World Championships took care of all of that. Now we have official fuck-offs (contests between finalists) in cities around the country and competitors who vie for the privilege of calling themselves Fucker of the Year. The Air Sex Championships — Houston is set for a one-night stand at Fitzgerald’s. Hosted by comedian Chris Trew, the Championships are first-come, first-served. They’re like an open-mike night but with imaginary genitals instead of guitars. You sign up, do your thing onstage and get judged by a group of supposed sexperts. Competitors air-sex in teams or alone, in any scenario with any partner they like (humans, aliens, monsters, animals and inanimate objects are all fair game).

Trew talked to our sister paper the Dallas Observer when the Championships came through Texas a couple of years ago. He shared stories about previous contestants, including a woman named Slut Truffle who pushed a power drill in her crotch and screamed in pretend pleasure while sparks went flying. (Ms. Truffle is a past champion.) There was also once a mother/daughter team that was a fail on a spectacular level. Competitors are as imaginative with their names as they are with their gyrations, so you can expect folks like Jack the Dripper, Colin Oscopy and Rick Ramrod onstage (yep, those are actual stage names used by past Air Sexers).

9 p.m. Fitzgerald’s, 2706 White Oak Drive. For information, call 713-862-3838 or visit $10 to $12.
Fri., Aug. 1, 9 p.m., 2014

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Olivia Flores Alvarez