Keep Houston Press Free
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American History as Told by Drunk Americans

Let's face it. It's a short workweek and you're still nursing a tryptophan hangover. In celebration of the inevitable lack of productivity and procrastination that is the holidays, we present Drunk History.

The award-winning series of digital shorts, created by Derek Waters, features lessons in history, as told by highly intoxicated people. Professional actors then re-enact each scenario exactly as described, lip-syncing the dialogue (including profanity, hiccups, slurring, and puking) of the narrator into the retelling.

Hilarity ensues.

Click ahead for our favorite episodes (hic).

Drunk History Vol. 1: Alexander Hamilton (featuring Michael Cera) Apparently, Alexander Hamilton had a cell phone, which he used to call his family on the eve of his duel with Aaron Burr. Favorite Line: "I can't reconcile killing someone with my political beliefs, but I can't reconcile my political beliefs with NOT killing someone." Moral of the Story: "Fucking Aaron Burr's not on money. You know who is? Alexander Hamilton."

Drunk History Vol. 2: Benjamin Franklin (featuring Jack Black). Narrated by Eric Falconer, after eight vodka cranberries. We learn that Ben Franklin didn't really discover electricity with that kite. It was really his son, William. And William Franklin was a dick. Favorite Line: "William, you are my bastard son. Get a kite. Tie a string to it. Tie a key to the string. And fly it in a fucking lightning storm." Moral of the Story: Let your bastard son do your dirty work for you, and then take all the credit.

and later that evening...

Drunk History Vol. 2.5: Benjamin Franklin (featuring Jack Black, Jayma Mays). Narrator Eric Falconer drinks more vodka cranberries, tells another story. Ben Franklin's unsuccessful attempt at wooing a friend's girlfriend. Favorite Line: "Franklin liked to fuck." Moral of the Story: His friend may have gotten the girl, but Franklin changed the world.

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Drunk History Vol. 3: Oney Judge (featuring Danny McBride). Narrated by Jen Kirkman, after a bottle and a half of wine. The events surrounding the Fugitive Slave Act, as told by a narrator who can't shake the hiccups. Favorite Line: "Oh, there you are. Hey Oney." Moral of the Story: You don't need the government to tell you that you're free.

Drunk History Vol. 4: William Henry Harrison (featuring Paul Schneider). Narrated by J.D. Rzynar, after vodka and beer. The story of our ninth president, elected to office at 68 years old. He served in office for just under one month, thanks to "super pneumonia" contracted while "grocery shopping for the white house." Favorite Line: "I drank a lot of booze, ma. Happy Mother's Day." Moral of the Story: "Don't elect an old dude to be president."

Drunk History Vol. 5: Frederick Douglass (Featuring Will Ferrell, Don Cheadle, and Zooey Deschanel). Narrator Jen Kirkman returns (as a blonde), after two bottles of wine. Abraham Lincoln and Frederick Douglass had a very special friendship. Favorite Line: "And then [Frederick Douglass] died a few months later, doing what he loved--sticking up for ladies." Moral of the Story: Mary Todd Lincoln was a badass.

Drunk History Vol. 6: Nicola Tesla (featuring John. C. Reilly). Narrated by Duncan Trussell, after a six pack of beer and half a bottle of absinthe. Thomas Edison was a dick and he hated Nicola Tesla. Favorite Line: "Tesla was the electric Jesus." Moral of the Story: Never fall in love with a pigeon.

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