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Best Comics in December: KISS, Sex with Crystals, and Godzilla Bin Laden

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Once a month the amazing staff at 8th Dimension Comics selects a pile of the best new releases for us to peruse and judge. This month we're going to abstain from our regular series in an attempt to give some other books space and also so this doesn't become a monthly column entitled: "Why Red Hood Is the Best Comic Ever."

Our Love Is Real

Well...we asked the 8th Dimension guys for something weird and indie, and boy did we get it. Our Love Is Real is a one-shot from Image that is a love story in a future where zoosexuals, vegisexuals and mineralsexuals are all vying for equal rights. We're not sure the comic is mocking the gay rights movement or the opposition's odd little fan fictions abut where sexual identity will go should gays be given equal rights. We highly suspect the latter, and the result is like Judge Dredd crossed with a Penthouse letter.

Rating: 8 of 10

Deadpool #48

After finding out that a shrink obsessed with him has been collecting his many severed body parts over the years for sexual purposes, Deadpool kills her and leaves his bits and pieces in a dumpster. Those pieces have healed together to form the mismatched villain Evil Deadpool, and the two proceed to kidnap and throw bags of poo in a plot that makes about as much sense as anything Deadpool does.

Rating: Deadpool of Deadpool

Defenders #1

The Defenders are like the Aquaman of Marvel in that they keep trying to sell us on them being a team of badasses and it all still kind of comes off inept. Dr. Strange, Namor, Silver Surfer, Iron Fist and Red She-Hulk are out to stop some kind of ghost of Hulk, an embodiment of his rage come to life. For some reason this involves 20 pages of borrowing a plane despite the fact that the Surfer could get them all to the magic mountain they seek in the time it took us to type this sentence. Sigh...there is no unlaming the Defenders.

Rating: 4 of 10

Carnage USA #1

Carnage is a mixed bag in that he's a fantastic villain who was given so much attention it got a bit ridiculous and did some serious damage to his potential. Now he's back in a heavily hyped miniseries that has him taking over a small town in order to "settle down." By the end of the story, it's Spider-Man alone against an army of mind-controlled Avengers. Overall, it's very well done, and maybe it's time for the mad symbiote to finally come into his own as a major Marvel villain rather than just a Venom spin-off.

Rating: 6 of 10

Avengers Sanction #1

Someone decided that starting a war between the Avengers and the X-Men would boost sales, and so we're going on a very flimsy premise that involves an apocalyptic future and the return of Cable, a character who is only cool standing next to Deadpool. Seriously, he's like Steve Blackman to Deadpool's Al Snow, and even up against Captain America he comes off like a one-dimensional tool. We prefer Secret Avengers Cap ourselves, and Cable off somewhere where he can look at crap in peace.

Rating: 3 of 10

The Rinse

Boom Studios' four-part series the Rinse came to a close this month, but we've only checked out the first issue. The book follows a money launderer named Jeff as he gets involved in a high-stakes casino theft. It's full of wonderful twists and turns, and if someone doesn't pick this up for a film starring Ryan Phillippe, then all of Hollywood is brain-damaged. We'll definitely be picking up the three other parts!

Rating: 8 of 10

Wolverine and the X-Men #03

Wolverine's taken the fan favorites of the X-Men universe to try and make it as headmaster of the mutant school. We were keen on dipping into the book last month, but had just a bit too much on our plate. Now we can safely say that an idea that sounded freakin' terrible is so far amazing. Mutant high school is so much cooler than regular high school.

Rating: 8 of 10

Savage Dragon #177

The fact that Josh Eichorn is still doing Savage Dragon after all these years is just amazing. Here's giant, radioactive Osama Bin Laden being beaten by the power of Whitney Houston and heavy artillery.

Rating: 7 of 10

Witch Doctor: Resuscitation

Oh God, why did we stop reading this book? It's like House, Doctor Who and Giles from Buffy the Vampire Slayer combined. The trade paperback of the first four issues is out, and we're getting it ASAP. Until then, be content with watching our medical magical malcontent attempt to heal a patient who shows up in a bathtub full of ice and a strange incision where his kidney...still is. Oh, and the line "Your god has no junk!" is our new favorite insult forever.

Rating: 9 of 10

Archie Meets KISS

And...well...here it is, the last place that KISS has not thoroughly merchandised on a pinball machine. KISS comes to Riverdale to stop a quartet of monsters who will destroy fun forever. Sorry, but this idea is decades too late.

Rating: Vinnie Vincent

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