Breaking Bad: There Are No Words

Note to self: If you are going to take over a multinational meth operation that is known specifically for its ice crystal blue-colored drug, be sure that you can make it blue! Now that Todd has taken over the making of the product, Lydia expects better quality and, of course, that notable blue tint. Todd thinks he knows what's what, but maybe he overcooked/burned/let his Nazi uncle smoke cigarettes in the cooking facility, who knows. He'll turn it around though, he promises.

Todd is a character who hasn't received all that much screen time, but when he does, it's always creepy in a sociopathic way. That boy just ain't right (confirmed when he wipes Lydia's lipstick off of her coffee cup longingly).

When we left off last week, Jesse was supposed to meet with Walt but thought better of it. He has another idea and Hank is onboard. Find Walter's money and you can get the man. Hank and his partner, Steve, cook up an elaborate plan to try and pry information out of Saul's boy Huell. They convince Huell that Walter is planning on cleaning house, including him and his partner Kuby. To prove this to him, Hank whips out a phone pic that he took of Jesse lying on the floor next to some bloody pig intestines, pretending to be dead. Huell gives up all that he knows, but it's not that much.

With Jesse's insistence on going rogue, Walter is left with no choice but to have Todd's crazy uncle take Jesse out. Well, sure, there are plenty of other choices that Walt could take but, ya know, having him killed is the only logical thing to do at this point, right? But why can't Walt do this on his own, the Nazi-psychos want to know. Because Walt will never be able to kill Jesse. Ever. They agree to take on the job under the condition that Walt cook them a batch of the good old blue stuff.

Even if Walt can't kill Jesse right out what he can do, however, is maneuver the shit out of every situation he is in, including going to Jesse's old girlfriend Andrea and her son Brock's house and having her call Jesse. Manipulation to the highest degree.

But for perhaps the first time in the history of this show, Jesse gets one over on Walt. It's brilliant and comical and the perfect plan. Call Walt, tell him you know exactly where his money is and that unless he gets his ass there post haste, you will burn the money 10 grand at a time. What else can Walt do but to put the peddle to the metal? It's a beautiful trap.

Out in the desert, Walt realizes that he has been duped. In a moment of panic, Walter calls the Nazi crew and gives them the coordinates to his whereabouts and insists that they come and save him from Jesse, whom he assumes is the only one his trail. But he is wrong, of course. Within minutes Hank, Steve and Jesse show up and Walt calls the hit off. He is going to give up.

And Walter is caught. Just like that. After screaming guilty admissions over the phone and taking the DEA to the general vicinity of his stashed money, Hank can finally read Walt his rights. Hank is pleased as punch. Jesse spits in Walt's face. And Hank calls Marie to rub it in. All is right in the...wait a minute...this is Breaking Bad and it's not going to end like that.

Todd and his Nazi uncle apparently decide for themselves that when Walt said, don't come, it really meant, please come actually. They show up just in time to stop Hank and Steve from carting Walt away.

Guns up on both sides, the two groups become embroiled in a Mexican standoff and it is at this very moment that the most suspenseful scene on the small screen has ever been televised in the entire history of television. I challenge the entire Internet to find a bigger nail-biter. I challenge you!

It's a shootout; Hank and Steve versus Todd's uncle and his crew, and bullets plow through either side. And holy shit, is everyone but Walter just going to die right now?

Maybe...because the episode ends right there.

Ahhh! I have no other words.

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