Film and TV

Dead Celebrity Holograms: A Top 5 Wish List

We could have seen this one coming a mile away. The estates of dead celebrities are suing for the rights to their hologram counterparts. If you've been following the latest, bizarre trend of deceased celebrities being virtually reincarnated to perform their greatest hits for thousands of paying fans, then the fact that the deceased celebrities' estates might have some issues with this should come as no surprise. The Hollywood Reporter just released a report that Marilyn Monroe's estate is none too pleased with the announcement that the blond bombshell will be performing in concert soon, virtually. There have been numerous letters going back and forth between Digicon Media, the company that holds a copyright on "Virtual Marilyn," and the late actress's estate.

Just writing the words "holds a copyright on" anyone's virtual anything feels very unnatural and Total Recall-esque. The virtual dead celeb has seen some traction since a holographic Tupac Shakur graced the stage at this year's Coachella festival, rapping like he was still flesh and blood. Since then, there has been much talk about reviving other celebrities to relive in the holographic state, Elvis and Monroe topping out the list. Even Bill Murray wants in on the action, and he's still very alive.

Would you pay money to see a deceased performer strut their stuff once again? Would it be creepy and weird or an amazing opportunity? I tend to think both. There are a few folks out there that I wish I could have seen perform or at the very least, pick their noses, and now I may be able to. Thank God for technology.

5. John Lennon and George Harrison, a.k.a. The Beatles After John was killed, the possibility of seeing a Beatles reunion no longer existed. That being said, a collaboration between the three surviving members was not that unheard-of and the trio got together from time to time. After George passed in 2001 this left only two, and two former members playing together do not make for a reunion. With this new technology, the deceased comrades can join the two surviving members onstage. I would want them to create virtual versions of John and George from the Sgt. Pepper days, but juxtaposed against the current Paul and Ringo, that might just be too disturbing.

4. Jackson Pollock Pollock was known to be a strange and reclusive man. He was said to be an alcoholic, with bouts of violence. He is most famous for his "drip style" paintings, which he created through a unique manner of throwing paint onto the canvas. Can you imagine if you were given the opportunity to sit and watch Pollock create one of his masterpieces? Based on the limited footage of Pollock, it would be quite a show.

3. Julia Child I have no idea how this would work in the virtual spectrum, but I would pay big money to watch Julia Child cook a French chicken. I would even pretend to eat it in the end and tell her how amazing it tasted. Hologram or not, you don't want to insult a chef.

2. Sigmund Freud This is sort of far-out, but stay with me for a minute. What if they could program the hologram to somehow pull various dialogues from a bank of responses similar to one of those computer telephone operators? If this was possible, you could sit down for a one-on-one pysch session with the great Dr. Freud. Sigmund Freud could be your therapist!

As most people's problems are basically the same, when prompted, the virtual Freud would choose from any number of responses: daddy issues, mommy issues or sex issues related to daddy or mommy issues. What else is there, really? As long as he had a box of Kleenex and didn't have the ability to say something horrible enough to prompt you to scream "operator" over and over again, it could be an enlightening experience. 1. Madonna Madonna is still alive, though! I have never seen Madonna in concert and have always wanted to, but I don't want to see 2012 Madonna in concert. I want to see 1984 Madonna in concert rolling around the floor in a white tutu and lace gloves. I want her to be joined onstage by none other than 1986 Madonna in virtual cartoon form from the opening credits of Who's That Girl.

I want the two of them to then be joined onstage by 1989 Madonna from "Like a Prayer" with her long brown hair flowing in all its anti-Catholic jubilation. Then the three of them will be joined by Breathless Mahoney from Dick Tracy and Madonna as a mermaid from the "Cherish" video.

Then crazy dominatrix Madonna will show up and smack them all around. Then as a finale, 2012 Madonna will join them all, and she'll have the opportunity to finally be surrounded by the people she loves most. Then they will break into a rendition of "Where's the Party" and it will be glorious.

KEEP THE HOUSTON PRESS FREE... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Abby Koenig
Contact: Abby Koenig