Donald and Melania: Welcome to the Bling House

With Donald Trump clinching the GOP nod, it's time to stop the ostrich-ing and face up to the fact that Melania Trump might be First Lady, and the man who inspired 100 descriptions of his hair, The Donald himself, could become POTUS.

Politics and foreign relations aside, it sounds like a win-lose-draw. On the plus side, we could be entering another season of Camelot. Great, lavish parties attended by the likes of Matt Lauer, Heidi Klum, Elton John, Kelly Ripa, Barbara Walters and Rudy Giuliani, with Billy Joel tickling the ivories. Heck, the couple's 2005 million-dollar wedding at Mar-a-Lago in Palm Beach was the highlight of the new money social season.

Plus, we're fairly sure the ultra-glamorous Slovenian ex-model has stayed in touch with a few of her model friends, which would bring a nice Playboy-mansion mind-set to the swimming pool and cabana built by President Gerald Ford. It's difficult to find anything negative written about the former Miss Knauss, so between designing jewelry and watches, it will be interesting to see which causes she takes up for the good of our nation.

On the losing side, and this being Texas and all, the idea of a wall along our southern border sounds straight from the Planet Ridiculon. We know Trump has spent some time on the logistics, with his plan to amend a provision in the Code of Federal Regulations and block wire transfers from the United States to Mexico, but it most likely will take a sizable bite out of our merchandise exports, if not outright starting a war.

As for the draw, it boils down to taste, which is subjective. Speculation is rampant about how Trump would decorate 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue if given the opportunity. In a post by Patricia Leigh Brown for The New York Times, she postulates that the white and gold ballroom in Palm Beach, with its “camera-ready tableau of crystal chandeliers and gilt-splashed moldings,” could serve as inspiration for a remodel, “setting off the politicians like gemstones in a twinkly Tiffany bauble.”

Though not offering much on how White House 2.0 would look, Realtor.com's Lisa Davis gives a nice history of the remodeling projects through the ages, including Mary Todd Lincoln (she went over budget), Jackie Kennedy (she was a fan of antique wallpaper) and Michelle Obama (her “modernist redo” was both admired and hated).

Inhabitat, which puts forth that it's a weblog devoted to the future of design, offers up an April Fools' take on the subject, by way of its managing editor, Mike Chino. We just hope nobody mistakes this one for hard news, but it is entertaining, with plans for Trump “to air-lift the White House to the top of Trump Tower” and “slathering the Oval Office in gold paint and prominently displaying the heads of endangered animals slain by his sons.”

But perhaps the best (or at least the most entertaining) predictor was by Mashable's Cameron Joseph and Vicky Leta, who said it with pictures. There's the spotlight infused porte-cochère, backing oversize gilded letters spelling out T-R-U-M-P, with the White House lawn transformed into a topiary-laden golf course. Their rendition of the Lincoln bedroom looks like a Vegas comp room for high rollers, and the oval office – with Trump's portrait dwarfing the facing painting of Ronald Reagan – is awash with resplendent gold. Bravo.

As it gets closer to November 8, we feel that we'll be hearing more about this one. It's going to be huuuuuuuge.
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Susie Tommaney is a contributing writer who enjoys covering the lively arts and culture scene in Houston and surrounding areas, connecting creative makers with the Houston Press readers to make every week a great one.
Contact: Susie Tommaney