DWTS' Michael Bolton is a "Very, Very Bad" Dog, Demands Public Apology From Judge Bruno Tonioli

Oh Mr. Bolton, where do we begin? When a man wearing a Dalmatian suit jacket crawls out of a doghouse (with a big sign that says BOLT) lured by a 20 something with a bone on a cutesy-pie set, he'd damn well better have moves like Justin Timberlake. Otherwise we're left with a 57-year-old guy bumbling all over a young cartoon-girl to Elvis Presley's "Hound Dog." And that's just uncomfortable to watch. In a vote-based competition we would suggest steering clear of selections that outwardly insinuate you're a dirty old pervert. Your fan base, older women and gay men, might have reacted more favorably to the debonair route. Then again, who knows? The dancing was really terrible.

The normally exuberant Bruno Tonioli seemed especially displeased with Monday night's routine, calling it "the worst jive in 11 seasons." Bolton's professional partner Chelsie Hightower was also reprimanded for the dog-house prop. To Bolton, Bruno added "I am a dog lover, but you make it so hard for me. You should have taken your bone and gone back to the doghouse. You did it all very, very, very badly." Tonioli gave Bolton a 3 (out of 10), a paddle we've never seen used in all 11 seasons, but in fairness Bruno DID say it was the worst.

Immediately after Bolton was booted off the show he began mouthing off to the media. A Good Morning America reporter got the following comments as Bolton exited the DWTS stage:

"I'm disappointed in Bruno. To me, [Bruno] let everybody down."

"My mom was there; she flew in. She's 90 and I thought she was going to really enjoy it, and I just didn't expect that level of disrespect from him."

"You heard the tone. Even Len [Goodman] stopped him and said, 'That's inappropriate,' and I think [Bruno] should apologize publically and be reprimanded for it."

Has Michael Bolton always been such an egotistical whiner, or did he develop such delusions of grandeur back in the mullet years? But my god, that was a glorious mullet. Yes, that's the kind of mullet that could give a man some ego.

The Grammy winning artist said he would not be hanging up his dancing shoes. In fact, he planned on incorporating some dance moves into his onstage routine. Let's just hope he practices--a lot--before attempting anything else in front of an audience.

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Lauren Marmaduke
Contact: Lauren Marmaduke