Fall Trends, Translated: Emerald Green, Winter White and Turtlenecks!

Being knee-deep in the September Issues is always so much fun, and naturally leads to all kinds of shopping sprees to update the wardrobe. But there is a dark side to the September Issues--a sick and twisted secret that everyone in the world already knows about just might shock you: The trends, they are a lie.

It's true! After something is a "trend" for every single season in a row, is it really a "trend" any longer? How can "leather" be a trend when we are always wearing leather? Are "military-style overcoats" ever out of style? Not according to the pea coat!

And yet the allure of the September Issue continues. We buy them and read them and make purchases accordingly. No longer! Let us rip off the veil!

(And probably go shopping afterward anyway. What the hell.)

According to Glamour

"Classic prints like houndstooth" made Glamour's "Fall 2013" list of trends. A timeless classic has made the trends list--we already see a pattern forming here, and we aren't talking about the houndstooth. The thing about these classic prints is that their classic--not trendy--nature makes them worth the investment. At work houndstooth looks professional, and on the street it looks like a great blend of vintage and modern.

Glamour picks emerald green and winter white as two favorite fall color trends. On one hand, these are two great, universally flattering colors; on the other, is "emerald green" or "winter white" ever "out"? If not, IS IT REALLY A TREND?

According to Harper's Bazaar

Harper's Bazaar makes the case that the "American Pastoral" look ('cozy knits, high boots, fur-trimmed outwear and tweeds') is "back." Quick question: Is it possible that people who live in cold climates would argue that "American Pastoral" never went anywhere, and it's actually just called "winter clothes"? Sweaters, coats, boots, and hats equal a New Yorker's winter closet. As for the model in the St. John slide (#20) who is wearing a fox tail hanging from her belt--no. Not unless "American Pastoral" has an "Early American Trapper" sub-category.

According to Huffington Post


Wait. Just let that sink in for a minute.

Again: Turtlenecks. Are "in." For Fall 2013.

"A trend that is both practical and adorable." That's what Huffington Post says about turtlenecks. TURTLENECKS. The Houston Press is going to call Spring 2014 early, and declare it the Spring of the Dickie! They are both practical, and adorable, and ever-so-much-more-comfortable for spring, when the temperatures are warmer!

Unless you are model-tall and model-skinny, a turtleneck will just make you look like a kindergarten teacher. From 1980.

So, in short, that's a "no."

Style Rules for Every Season

Buy clothes that look great on you; the right size, the right silhouettes, the right proportions are all more important than "trends" that either aren't really trends (houndstooth) or trends that are downright silly (turtlenecks). Invest in good basics, and incorporate trends in less expensive ways--shoes, bags in the season's "It" color, a statement necklace--so your wardrobe remains classic and timeless.

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