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Five Reasons You Need a Giant Hat, Especially in Houston

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Awesome fancy hats should not be reserved for British weddings, the Kentucky Derby and Downton Abbey-themed parties. Awesome fancy hats should be worn often, and the perfect time to start is now. Why don't people wear hats anymore? Is it because we have decided that hat etiquette is just too much work? Or are our heads just too hot from all the (ALLEGED) global warming?

There are so many reasons to wear awesome hats, and in Houston -- where the sunshine is so. freaking. relentless. -- what better time to look into procuring oneself an amazing summer chapeau?

5. Sun Protection

The most obvious answer to "why wear a hat?" is sun protection. The sun delivers delicious UV rays to our skin, which then turns into sun spots, wrinkles and maybe even The Cancer. No one likes any of those three things! Big floppy sun hats, paired with giant sunglasses and neat scarves, are very retro and also keep your eyes and skin safe from the damaging effects of the blazing ball of fire in the sky. (Do not leave a comment that the sun is not a blazing ball of fire. Poetic license, please!) This adorable hat from Sunday Afternoons has an extra-wide brim and SPF 50.

Men may not go in for the big floppy sun hat--or do; this is a no-judgment zone--but it's not a bad idea to snap up something with a 360-degree brim for protection, especially for long days outdoors. This L.L. Bean bucket hat will keep the front, back, and sides shaded for less than 30 bucks.

4. Cool Disguise Potential

You know that thing where you are in a grocery store and you see someone you know but don't want to talk to, and you spend the rest of your shopping trip ducking down aisles that contain products you won't buy just to avoid them?

Solution: A GIANT HAT. Unless you have your kids with you, and then everyone needs one.

2. Jubilation Indicator

Why should high school and college graduates have all the fun? Throwing those mortarboard hats into the air is straight-up dangerous anyway. (CORNERS!) Throwing a beautiful, soft-brimmed hat into the air won't hurt anyone on the way down and it's the perfect way to let everyone around you -- at the park, at Target, at the MFAH "Picasso Black & White" exhibit -- understand how totally awesome life really is.

1. Dramatic Possibilities

When you were making your New Year's Resolutions in January, were any of these on the list:

• Be more mysterious! • Convey more emotions with exaggerated tips and/or tilts of the head. • Use accessories to communicate moods like shyness, modesty, coyness and/or desolation.

If so, a hat can be useful to any and all of these ends. Combined with dramatic movements of the head, a hat will say things you only wish you had the courage to say. Hats are also great for throwing to the ground in frustration and for tipping/doffing during greetings and departures. Veddy good stuff, old chaps.

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Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.