It's not that "The Star Spangled Banner" is a bad song, it's just that it's not a great anthem. Sure, we all get chills sometimes when a particular good singer/guitarist/French horn player nails "and the land of the free," but other than that it's just kind of a slog and doesn't really get the blood pumping. An anthem should be epic, it should make you want to tear down walls with your bare hands, kick a Hummer over, and knock back six beers without coming up for air. America deserves something a little more kick ass and little less dusty for its Olympic championship music, don't you think?

Here's a crazy idea: maybe if we do awesome things as America, people will be proud to be American, and then we won't have to worry about outdated rituals to instill patriotism in our kids. It's about time we stop resting on our past greatness and start making some of our own. Rather than argue about why Obamacare is or isn't the worst thing to ever happen, we work together to create a healthcare system that takes care of everyone the way the most powerful country in the world should be able to. Maybe we start making sure that all of our citizens, no matter what their background, have places to stay and things to eat. Maybe we make sure they everyone gets paid the same for an equal days work, have agency over their own bodies and be able to walk down the street without being physically or verbally harassed. Let's go explore Mars, and then further beyond that, and then further beyond that. That would be something to be proud of.

Failing that...

1. Just Have Them Watch Rocky IV, Independence Day and Mighty Ducks 2 Regularly

It's really not that much different than saying the pledge, and how can you not think America is just the best thing ever after watching any of these. Dare it say it, but if you don't love these movies, well... you may not be American at all.