Sansa tries to thank Sandor "The Hound" Clegane for saving her from the King's Landing lacrosse team, but he's having none of it. He even tries to besmirch dear departed dad Ned by implying he enjoyed killing as much as he does.
The eldest Stark daughter has problems of her own, as she's just had her first period. It's somewhat less humorous than Judy Blume described. Sansa is terrified at the prospect of bearing Joffrey's children and Shae (Sibel Kekilli) tries to silence the other handmaiden in attendance, but the Hound -- for some reason -- shows up in Sansa's bedroom and sees everything.
Cersei attempts to have "The Talk" with Sansa, but it goes somewhat less magically than expected. It seems King Robert preferred to go hunting when she was about to give birth. Pfft, I wish. She counsels Sansa to love no one but her children. Later, in a rare moment of weakness, Cersei admits to Tyrion that she doesn't know what to do with Joffrey. It's fleeting, and the look on her face when she realizes she's let her guard down to her brother is great, but allows her some humanity.
Speaking of dragons (just go with it), Xaro (Nonso Anozie) reasserts his noninvolvement in their theft. Dany (Emilia Clarke) doesn't want to hear much about it, or his repeated bitching about his hard-knock life. Jorah returns to hear Dany's laments. She commands him to find her dragons, and he goes to Qaithe (Laura Pradelska), who informs him the thief is close to Danaerys after asking if he'll betray her again. Oh snap.
So big surprise, for all his talk of honor, Xaro was working with Dean Pelt...er, Pyat Pee (Ian Hanmore) all along. The warlock makes short work of the Thirteen and extends Dany an offer to visit the House of the Undying, where her dragons are currently residing. I guess you could say she can't refuse.
Alton gives Robb Cersei's response and is sent to Jaime's pen for "safe" keeping. Kills Torrhen, son of Rickard Karstark (John Stahl). Talisa wants Robb to get supplies from the Crag (they're surrendering), and is a bit surprised when he invites her along.
Jaime makes a rare second-season appearance, but it's a memorable one. In his way, he's the most intriguing character on the show. Punished for doing the right thing (killing the Mad King) and obviously chafing at the name "Kingslayer," he nonetheless doesn't balk at killing Alton to engineer his own (temporary) escape. I guess "Kinslayer" isn't a problem? The "best" part is how he lures the young man in by coaxing his squire story out and complementing it with his own tale of squiring for Barristan Selmy.
Jaime is recaptured, and Rickard wants to behead him (Jaime killed Torrhen during his escape attempt) and Robb's at the Crag. What's Catelyn up to?
Good question. Jaime, charming to the last, taunts Catelyn about Ned's infidelity (and Brienne about her looks, but that's to be expected). While the Karstarks and Robb's guards argue outside Jaime's cage, Catelyn commands Brienne to "give me your sword."
And finally Theon. Bran and Rickon's (and Hodor's and Osha's) trail leads them to a farm, but the trail goes cold after that. With night falling and his precious reputation at stake, Theon does what any person with borderline personality disorder and a severe inferiority complex would do: He presents the bodies of the farmer's young sons (or so I assume, they dropped enough hints) to the good folks at Winterfell to show the price of disobedience.
Hey, "It's better to be cruel than weak." Surely there's no way this will backfire.
Notably Absent This Week: Stannis and Melisandre (second week in a row), Jaqen H'ghar
Next week: Danaerys has a choice to make, and is Arya about to use Jaqen's last name on her new friend?
