Glee: The Thing With Two Heads

The duet is a tricky thing. Song choice, partner selection, and ... other stuff all play a key role in the success of a given effort. Put it all together correctly and you can end up with something magical, like David Bowie and Bing Crosby. Do it wrong and the results can be horrific, like David Bowie and Mick Jagger.

Here's the thing; the subject of Nationals comes up each week on this show, and each week they find some other way to dick around and avoid the obvious. Namely, that every other competitive high school organization starts prepping for big competitions months in advance, yet Will continues goofing around with weekly gimmicks (this time it's duets). Maybe this is a deliberate tactic, a canny strategy to build team chemistry for the struggle ahead.

Or maybe he's just delaying the inevitability of another crushing defeat.

The angst over getting new kid Sam on the team comes to an abrupt end when Puck is sent to juvie for stealing an ATM(?). Puck's absence leaves the door wide open for Chord Overstreet's character to step in, with his blond Bieber bangs and impossibly huge mouth. Steven Tyler, a guy who should know something about lips, once said of the New York Dolls' David Johansen: "That guy could swallow the earth. And has." It appears Sam's in good company, and ...

I'm sorry, "Chord" Overstreet? Seriously?

Kurt homes in on Sam with the same uncannily malfunctioning gaydar that led him to stalk Finn last season and decides the two of them should partner for Will's duets assignment. Finn, demonstrating the sensitivity that's made him an inspiration to pasty Midwesterners everywhere, counsels Sam to think twice about his rep before partnering with the gay kid. Kurt is still taking care of an ailing father and clearly doesn't have time for this shit. So he whips out some Julie Andrews:

This wouldn't be enough to topple Rachel and Finn's rendition of "Don't Go Breakin' My Heart," even given their junior-high level Machiavellian scheme to throw the competition (and the hotly contested dinner for two at Breadstix) so Sam will feel welcome. And really, is Rachel suited to sing anything other than show tunes? Kiki Dee was Shemekia Copeland by comparison.

The show's usual focus on Finn-Rachel-Quinn (Sam's new duet partner) eclipsed what was truly the best pairing of the evening -- and it wasn't Tina and Mike's weird version of ... whatever that song was ("Sing" from A Chorus Line). No, the team that should have won the dinner was none other than Santana and Mercedes doing Ike and Tina's "River Deep, Mountain High." Santana is fast becoming my favorite character on the show, and not just because she has a certain ... zest for living, as Judge Smails might say.

Speaking of Brittany, she (not Jane Lynch) is the real reason to keep watching Glee. And we have to offer her our thanks for answering the question everybody had been asking but nobody to this point had the lack of couth to ask: Does Artie's junk still work? Apparently yes, and kudos to the guy for offering no resistance whatsoever to his deflowering, then making Brittany feel like dirt for throwing him a charity fuck. Classy. No Breadstix for you.

Sam and Quinn win in the end with another adult contemporary standard (Jason' Mraz's "Lucky"), and it would appear romance is in the air. It kind of reminded me of Dances With Wolves, when Kicking Bird and his wife decided it was proper for Dances With Wolves and Stands With A Fist to end up together: they were both white, Sam and Quinn are both blonde ... it fits, trust me.

The show's off next Tuesday to make way for the NLCS, Check back in two weeks for the "Rocky Horror Glee Show" recap. You know I'm looking forward to that one.

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