Pop Culture

Glorious Sideboob Goes Above Ground at the Golden Globes

Last night social media was buzzing around the Golden Globes, first at Jodie Foster's glowing Cecil B. DeMille lifetime achievement award acceptance speech (where she came out of the closet again) and, of course, the copious sideboob all over the awards event itself.

And not just sideboob, but also inner sideboob, trumping regular horizontal cleavage.

And yes, sideboob has its own scientific name. So if you feel dirty saying "sideboob" today at the water cooler, just say you dug all "that sweet sweet Tail Of Spence action" at the Globes, and tell your HR person to eat it.

But sideboob is not the same as a nip slip, no sir. That's a whole other strange NSFW universe.

The fact that in a world where hardcore porn can be viewed on your phone at the grocery store or a tap recital, something as innocent as sideboob can snag the world's imagination...proves that as a whole we are still old-fashioned at heart.

Long only a genre of cleavage known to Internet perverts and Maxim and Rolling Stone magazine covers, traditional sideboob went mainstream last night. In a classy way, not the late-'00s Tara Reid and Lindsay Lohan way, full of scars and track marks.

If only Miley Cyrus were there last night to really show the word how to do sideboob. She's the queen of sideboob. Coupled with a vintage Brigitte Nielsen haircut, it's lethal.

Amy Poehler even had inner sideboob, with many asking if the country and the foreign press were ready for a funny woman to have sideboob. Hint: We are very ready.

By hook or by crook or by specially placed garment tape, even Taylor Swift had inner sideboob. Not only at the Globes, but at last week's People's Choice Awards. Katharine McPhee's sideboob was a big winner, though I had to Wiki her to make sure she was still on that one show about dancing.

Actress Jessica Chastain's sideboob may have even given her Oscar chances a big shot in the proverbial arm this year, if only the voters were snarky bloggers on Twitter.

Clair Danes, receiving a deserved career resurgence due to Homeland, rocked the sideboob.

And no, to answer all of your questions, Catherine Zeta-Jones was sporting 43-year-old cleavage, and not sideboob.

The #sideboob hashtag was bumping all night long as photos circulated of the actresses walking along the red carpet.

Is this a foreshadowing of what's to come this awards season? Who knows, but surely we'll all be watching and waiting, for sideboob.

Will the world ever see the exotic phenomenon of underboob get its time in the limelight? Only time -- and plastic surgeons -- will tell.

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Craig Hlavaty
Contact: Craig Hlavaty