I will admit, with some renunciation, that I am a GOOP subscriber. GOOP, which stands for something that is unknown to me, is the media site and subsequent newsletter of actress turn lifestyle guru-in-her-own-mind Gwyneth Paltrow. If you have never perused a GOOP "magazine" as it is now being called, it has some over-arching topic, often food- or art-related, and then they include a bunch of other items, such as highly expensive "Goop Approved" clothing lines or places that GOOPers would love to visit such as the Hamptons or Paris where they can purchase art for obscene amounts of money. I neither fit into the target demographic for this content, know who does, care for any of it nor do I want to be a person who does fit in and/or cares. So why do I continue to receive my regular GOOP newsletter? I like to annoy myself and spout venom about Paltrow to friends of mine who know my feelings on the actress. I used to like her a lot; I cut my hair like her in the '90s. Now she makes me ill.
It seems that I am not the only person that has issue with the waify blond. Other bloggers have written about her off-putting nature, and she has even commented on her many "haters." Recently, her publicists tried to get an upcoming article about her in Vanity Fair pulled, presumably because it paints her in a negative light (I've heard tell of any affair), and even more recently, homemaker extraordinaire Martha Stewart, for lack of a better word, dissed Paltrow saying that, "She wants to be a lifestyle arbiter. Fine. Good. I think I started this whole category of lifestyle."
Not too long ago, the female celebrity the world hated just because she was herself was Anne Hathaway. Currently, compared to Paltrow, Hathaway looks like an angel straight from heaven. When even Martha Stewart dumps a bad batch of sugar cookies made from wheat harvested from her own farm on your parade, you know you are in trouble. When did Paltrow become persona non grata, and is there anything she can do to fix her image?
FLASHBACK: I Don't Want to Hate Anne Hathaway, and I am Trying To Get Over It
Firstly, be a human being It can be stated that all people who consider themselves "lifestyle" experts live in a pretend world of matching toile linens and cocktail parties, but at least we know Stewart can take a dump in a prison pot with the best of them. There is just something so robotic about Paltrow. Whether it's her true persona or not, her flawless disposition is so off-putting.
I own and occasionally use the Tracy Anderson Method Pregnancy video. If you are unfamiliar with Anderson, she is a fitness coach to the stars, one of them being Paltrow; the two are as tight as they come. In one of the videos there is a short interlude where Anderson's famed clientele chat openly about their "pregnancy cravings." It's cute and fun. Anderson herself, a picture of fitness, mentions her affection for Arby's sandwiches. And then Paltrow comes on and laughs about her insane cravings for... apples. Really? I need to hear that your most sinful of food obsessions is the thing that when eaten once a day keeps the doctor away? And you comment on how scandalous this is as I am pretending to work out while eating a bag of Skittles? Thank you for making me feel good about myself.
Secondly, be yourself Maybe Paltrow is the most food conscience, macrobiotic, exercise nut, pillar of excellence, with a healthy sex life and two well-adjusted children despite their absurd names. If that's your story, fine, just stick to it. Don't pull the plain folks appeal with us, honey. You are above us, Gwenny; be proud of it. So often the GOOP blog will feature recipes so far removed from the actress' ultra-strict diet, it is laughable. She is not eating big bowls of pasta with cream sauce and garlic bread; she doesn't believe that carbs exist.
She was quoted this summer in Cosmopolitan magazine, saying, "I love Starbucks - I'll have a cappuccino. My guilty snack in the UK is cheese, and in America, things on buns: a lobster roll and French fries, or a turkey burger with cheese." Yeah right, and then when you are pregnant you indulge in fibrous fruit. It's OK if you refuse to put gluten in your body, just stick to your story.
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