Today, May 13, is Top Gun Day all over the world. A day where you can share your love of the immortal tale of brave men in majestic machines flying through the air like gods, defending our country, playing sweaty beach volleyball, and laying hot blondes while ignoring the homoerotic advances of their fellow servicemen.
Also, it gives us a chance to lament what Val Kilmer has done to himself in the 25 years, (yes, 25 years) since Top Gun was released. I know that as people age they start looking different, because I used to have to use shampoo, but damn, he looks like a fat Mickey Rourke now sometimes. Tom Cruise has hardly aged because he sold his "soul" to aliens.
I remember seeing Top Gun when I was at least three years old in the summer of 1986 at a movie theater near Almeda Mall, when Almeda Mall wasn't war-torn Bosnia with a head shop and a Popeye's Chicken. My mother dragged me to see her man Tom Cruise, and I surprised her with a stomach flu and a few trips to the bathroom to puke. It was retribution for her making me crawl under the family car to snag a $20 bill that flew under it.
The folks at the official website of Top Gun Day listed a few pointers for today, including wearing aviator shades inside and outside, buying rubber dog shit, changing your Twitter or Facebook profile avatar to a picture of your favorite character from the movie, and not wearing deodorant. Good call.
Also, less than a year ago, Cruise was talking about a Top Gun sequel during interviews, with Cruise saying "We kicked around some ideas because the aviation community has completely changed since we made the movie a long time ago. So we have to find a way in and how to incorporate the Maverick character into it," which means that Maverick could now be the lovable and cantankerous Admiral busting Channing Tatum's chops from a desk.
But we all know that by now Maverick would have retired from the Navy by now and become a commercial airline pilot. The movie would also have to reflect modern air warfare, which now really just means dropping bombs and not dog-fighting in the skies.
Today, I culled the best and brightest and most flight-ready Top Gun quotes for today's special occasion. Use them at the office, happy hour with work friends, tonight at the bar, or on your hot date tonight. Girls, if it's that time of the month and your man tries to seal the deal tell him "That's a negative, Ghost Rider, the pattern is full," and chew some ice in his face.
"I feel the need...the need for speed."
"That's a negative, Ghost Rider, the pattern is full."
"Hey Goose, you big stud!"
"You can be my wingman anytime."
"If you screw up just this much, you'll be flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog shit out of Hong Kong!"
"That's right! Ice...man. I am dangerous."