Hey, L.A.D.I.E.S.

SUN 8/8

Male rocker, female rocker. Who the hell cares anymore? Most of us just want to hear good music, no matter what's between the legs of its creators. But there are still some people out there who don't think ladies can rock. They especially should come out for this weekend's L.A.D.I.E.S. event at the Proletariat. The folks there had such great success with last year's show that they've decided to make it an annual event. A celebration of the accomplishments of the women who rock in a scene dominated by men, this year's L.A.D.I.E.S. is another all-day look into what locals have been up to. New acts this time around include two Austin bands, the effeminately named the Applicators and the Octopus Project, Erika Thrasher (featuring Swarm of Angels), Modulator, AWESOME!, C'mon C'mon and the unapologetically masculine Panic in Detroit. DJs include Danseparc, three gals who have effectively set a new standard for getting folks to dance to the good stuff, and Ginatonic. Also on the bill are two repeats from last year, UME and Mock Run, who are both fast becoming shining examples of longevity and hard work in this town. Talk about girl power. 4 p.m. to 2 a.m. Sunday, August 8. 903 Richmond. For information, call 713-523-1199 or visit www.theproletariathouston.com. $5 to $8. -- Lance Scott Walker

Julia's Bistro's mojito

I stepped outside the Continental Club to escape the smoke and noticed a short little redhead walking past with her homely, overweight girlfriend. The fat one had way too much junk in her trunk, but I followed them just the same. They stepped into Drink Bar, and to avoid being too obvious, I grabbed a quick drink at Julia's Bistro (3722 Main, 713-807-0090). The place was obviously closing down for the night; just two or three couples were scattered about. Junior behind the bar claimed they made the best mojito in town. As I watched him tear off each little leaf of mint and then painstakingly measure out the exact ingredients, I found myself smacking my lips. The drink was refreshing, that's for sure. I ordered a backup, and we discussed the fine points of the perfect mojito. As thirsty as I was, I had other thoughts on my brain. I couldn't shake the image of the wiggle in the girl's walk, and as Junior droned on and on about the lunch and dinner menus, I threw back the first and took a big swig off the second. By this time I was the last customer in the joint. I paid for the drinks, thanked the man for the delightful conversation, and headed next door for dessert.

1-1/2 ounces Bacardi Light rum

2 ounces White Rock club soda

1/2 ounce simple syrup

Splash fresh lime juice

2 sprigs mint

The secret to making a great mojito is tearing the mint leaves. With a wooden muller, gently crush a half-dozen healthy leaves in a Tom Collins glass. Measure out the rum, club soda, simple syrup (equal parts water and sugar, reduced by half over a low flame) and lime juice. Garnish with a mint sprig. Great on Sunday afternoons while perched naked in front of an a/c window unit. -- J.W. Crooker

Uplifting Cause

The mind is a terrible thing to waste. But what about boobies? The milk-dispensing, sweater-filling female bosom serves all sorts of purposes, both nice and naughty. That's why the folks at Sippora Gallery are hosting an art benefit for breast cancer research and awareness -- with an erotic twist. A two-night event, Erotica kicks off Wednesday with a trunk show flaunting fashions from Erotic Cabaret Boutique. Friday, a bevy of benevolent artists brandishes its talents, including sculpture, painting, fashion and anything else that might titillate the viewer. 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. Wednesday, August 11; and 7 p.m. to 10 p.m. Friday, August 13. 234 West Gray. For information, call 713-520-1085 or visit www.sippora.com. $10. - Eric A.T. Dieckman

Righteously Risqué

Too often in our fair city, sitting down to some sensual, interactive dance means dropping a bunch of twenties on a pole dancer named Chiffon. Thankfully, there are troupes like the Queens of De-Nile, who perform shows called "Musical De-Railment" and "Puss-e Galore," all while keeping their clothes on -- and for a good cause. Their monthly appearances at Helios feature the nubile ladies in risqué, comedic numbers using any props they can find ("We've used bathtubs and bicycles," says Queens leader Vickie Noack) as well as unsuspecting audience members. And, unlike Chiffon, these ladies donate their tips to a different charity each month. 8 p.m. Thursday, August 5. 411 Westheimer. For information, call 713-883-3270 or visit www.queensofdenile.com. $5. - Steven Devadanam

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