How to Make a Film About Noah and Try Desperately Not to Offend Your Evangelical Christian Market

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Our writer Abby Koenig has previously written about the sudden surge in Bible-based movies. Several somebodies in Hollywood got together and all thought this was a great idea.

But from a number of reports, it seems Paramount Pictures has had difficulty courting the evangelical Christian ticket-buying public for Noah starring Russell Crowe, Emma Watson and Jennifer Connelly.

The latest trailer for the upcoming movie helmed by director Darren Aronofsky (with a bright and bubbly goofy lead-in from Watson looking oh so candid) shows a wind- and rain-swept Crowe with a lot of hair on his face and not much of anything on his head. The clips are full of sound and fury and end of the world cataclysmic notices.

But it is the note at the end of the trailer that caught our attention.

In true end times, movie business fashion, the movie's producers? publicists? whomever? have asterisked their movie, trying hard to make sure they don't offend anyone and lose that block ticketing they were hoping for from churches.

To examine this further:

This film is inspired by the story of Noah.

Inspired by? What does that mean? Is that like Will Smith's I Robot movie that other than having the same name as the classic Isaac Asimov work and the fact that it included robots and humans basically bore no resemblance to the book from which it sprang? What exactly can we expect Noah to do?

Will there be more than two of each animal? Are we finally going to find out how they all fit on board?

"While artistic license has been taken, we believe that this film is true to the essence, values and integrity of a story that is a cornerstone of faith for millions of people worldwide..."

After trying out different cuts of the movie, Paramount has apparently finally decided to go with the director's cut. However it turns out, it's clear that they aren't taking the literal interpretation approach. But they write great end notes.

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