The holidays are here, by golly, and so is the perennial quest for the perfect gift. This can be an arduous task, as I’m sure everyone who has ever shopped for their dad knows. Well, we here at the Houston Press are nothing if not helpful. Do you have a rabid social justice warrior friend whose letter to Santa is just “Nazi faces to punch” written over and over again? Fear not! We have your back with these ten helpful items.
10. “My ‘Safe Space’ is Filled With Nazi Blood” Sticker
Jackie Langley of Just Meat Space Things can always be counted on for a variety of incendiary political stickers, and this may be the best of the bunch. Printed on sturdy vinyl, a crimson version of Captain Crunch merrily sails a sea of Nazi blood under the light of a friendly rainbow. Truly a safe space indeed.
9. The Entire Look Human Nazi Line
Look Human has a shirt, tank top, pair of socks or whatever it is you care to adorn and express your distaste for the rise of mainstream Nazis in America. They even sell a mug especially designed to hold Richard Spencer’s tears. Free shipping for orders over $50.
8. Boxing Course
Punching Nazis is a worthy endeavor, but anything worth doing is worth doing right. Consider giving the gift of properly trained violence this Yule by paying for someone’s boxing fundamentals class. For Houstonians, I recommend Slava Boxing and Heights Fitness. They’re running a special for a twice weekly, six-week course at just $179.
7. “Refuse to Fuck Fascists” T-shirt
It probably comes as no surprise that many of these alt-righters and white supremacists are also raging misogynists. Tell them, “No means Piss Off,” with this stylish T-shirt from Bad Reputation. Designed by artist and former member of the Houston Press’ Gothic Council, Jez Smith.
6. “Punch a Nazi” Poster
Sold by Nick Lacke from a screen print done by artist Andrew Ghrist, this propaganda poster brightens up any politically active home. The posters are 8 x 10 and call to mind some of the great media campaigns seen during the Second World War. You can get them printed on white or cream-colored paper.
5. Raiders of the Lost Ark on Blu-Ray
At times, it feels like the fight against fascism is just too much to bear. In those moments of weakness, we need heroes. Celebrate the days when punching Nazis wasn’t some crisis of conscience with a beautifully re-mastered version of the classic adventure film Raiders of the Lost Ark. I’ve embedded a highlight reel above.
4. Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus Collectors Edition
Speaking of the good old days, remember when Nazis were the go-to villains in a lot of video games and we were all cool with that? Well, apparently in the age of Trump you’re not even allowed to mow fictional Nazis down with a chain gun without some alt-right wanker whining, “so much for the tolerant left.” Indulge a friend’s inner super soldier with this handsome collector’s edition of the new Wolfenstein. The set contains the game in a metal case, a 12-inch poseable William Joseph "BJ" Blazkowicz with accessories, and a 9 x 14 Blitzmensch poster.
3. “Nazi Punks Fuck Off” Cross Stitch Pattern
Rebecca Richmond of Crossed Stitched Sass has lovingly recreated this class moment of Captain America punching Adolf Hitler as a cross stitch patter. The $5 price tag is for a digital PDF download. For the crafty activist on your friend list.
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2. “I Use This Bag To Hit Nazis” Tote
But how will your antifa friends carry all this lovely, lovely swag? Why, in this stylish tote from The Geeking Shack, of course. Inspired by this famous photograph taken by Hans Runesson at a neo-Nazi rally in Sweden in 1985, this 13 x 12 bag is perfect for hauling presents or filling with rocks to aid in its use as a bludgeon. Inquire with the seller for other color options.
1. Anti-Nazi Shot Glasses
Who needs a drink? We all bloody do with the insanity that is 2017 in America. This set of two shot glasses from Tyler Danger of Poison Tea Shop will hold the various Pain-Go-Bye-Bye juices of your choice as you drink to forget. As we rocket into the science-fiction year of 2018, raise your glasses to punching some Nazis. Skol!