Film and TV

Idol Beat: A Tapestry Of Mediocrity

I'm going to hate tonight. For unlike these other liars on Idol who - to a one - claimed to have grown up in a Motown household, I really did grow up on Carole King. I have great fondness for Tapestry, which was in regular rotation when I was a kid, and have several specific memories from my early years on through college associated with many of King's songs.

So you can understand why I'm not exactly looking forward to having those pissed on liberally this evening.

All right then, I've got a sinus infection and this shit isn't going to watch itself. Let's get to it.

There's a new producer in town, and his name is Kenny "Babyface" Edmonds. I'd love to snark about this, except he's such an obvious and dramatic improvement over will.i.am it wouldn't be sincere.

What is sincere is my belief that Jacob Lusk is in trouble. "Oh No Not My Baby" was far from his best performance, and his two trips the the bottom three in the last three weeks are obviously wearing. Plus, he needs to fire whoever decided to dress him as Urkel for his performance.

Jimmy Iovine introduced Lauren Alaina to his good friend Miley Cyrus while she was practicing "Where You Lead." The visit allegedly gave the youngster some much-needed confidence, but I'd wager the viewing audience was too dumbstruck by the fact Cyrus sounds like a 60-year-old with a two pack a day habit.

Meanwhile, the judges feel Lauren is sufficiently bringing it.

I assume the duets are here solely to pad the episode, as they have no bearing on the voting. Casey and Haley are up first with "I Feel the Earth Move." An apropos choice for the two remaining with the strongest classic-rock pedigrees. Frankly, this would've been stronger as a Haley solo number.

Did Seacrest really just call him "Scotty the Body?" Whose body? Ralph Macchio's?

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Peter Vonder Haar writes movie reviews for the Houston Press and the occasional book. The first three novels in the "Clarke & Clarke Mysteries" - Lucky Town, Point Blank, and Empty Sky - are out now.
Contact: Pete Vonder Haar