Is it Christmas time already? Not really, considering it just became November. Try telling that to the toy retailers who have been holding multiple pre-black Friday, cyber-Tuesday, Christmas in July sales since, well, July. Last week we received our "Hot Toy" preview email from Amazon and yesterday's snailbox produced Target's "Ultimate Toy Sale" catalog.
We will freely admit that we have been out of the toy-buying loop for some time now, but we were compelled to have a look at what's cool with the kids this year. Current toys are so dramatically different than when we were young'ins. They are flashier, more violent and completely electronic. Whatever happened to some good old GI Joes? Overall, today's toys made us feel like crotchety old people. "What's wrong with kids today," we moaned, while shaking our wrinkled finger at no one. We were very pleased, however, to see that Legos are still a hot commodity and My Little Pony now has a dream castle.
Based on our findings, there are an endless amount of toys that your child is going to want this holiday season, some of them good and more of them are crap. So, Art Attack has compiled its own list of "Nice" toys to spend your money on and "Naughty" toys to avoid.
Nice List Password Journal
We wish this existed when we were little girls writing away about our elementary school woes. It's got a voice-activated lock, hidden compartments and secret invisible-ink pen so your kid brother can't read about your secret crush on Billy, plus it has an MP3 plug in so you can listen Taylor Swift whilst you scribble your secrets.
Star Wars Operation
YES! Yes! Yes! Skylanders Spyro's Adventure Wii Portal and Software Bundle
If we are understanding this correctly, (remember that we are out of touch) the Skylanders are mythical plastic creatures that when placed on the "Portal of Power" come to life on your television screen in video game formation? According to the description, multiple players can drop in throughout game play anytime by adding another plastic figure to the "portal." Additionally, the figures remember what level they are at after the playing ends. Is this a magic toy? It's Dungeons and Dragons on your TV! We're sold.
Light Strike Rifle
Okay, we are not condoning violence nor are we big proponents of guns; however, the Light Strike system is laser tag for your home. Light Strike's signature gun, the Assault Striker is a machine gun bipod with recoil action, a scope attachment with 100-foot range, and a grenade launcher that can shoot groups of enemies down in a single shot. Your kid will be so badass with this toy! Why would you not want that for them? My Baby Alive
Life-like baby-dolls have been around since the dawn of the doll. When we were wee-tots, pouring water into a dolls' open mouth and having it leak out of its anatomically incorrect front part was about as lifelike as it got. This baby eats, drinks, says over 30 phrases, some really needy like "I'm tired" and "I'm hungry" and it also makes a messy diaper that your child has to then clean up. This baby doll sounds like a huge hassle to put up with, which is why it will prove a good lesson for young girls to learn about the dangers of unprotected sex.
Hot Wheels Video Racer Micro Camera Car
This toy is brilliant. It's a Hot Wheels with a mini video camera encased in the body of the car. Place it on your Hot Wheels racetrack and you can record your car on the move. This toy also comes with editing software that lets you download the footage you just took to add music and effects to make one bitching car racing video!
Polly Pocket Tricked Out Concert Play Set
Not only did we not know that Polly Pocket was in a band with a hit single or that she had become a skater chick, but when did she get her own cartoon? Polly and the rockers hop on their long boards and skate into rock history on this "tricked out" miniature skate-park/concert stage. To add to the awesomeness, their theme song plays automatically when you skate the doll to the stage and there's a disco ball!
We're still doing this? Smart Cycle
We suppose that if your kid has to be inside due to inclement weather and there is nothing else to do but play video games, the Smart Cycle, which is stationary bike used as a video game console, is a good way to get some exercise and learn at the same time. That being said, we are not fans of this toy because it's making regular old biking seem lame. Get your child a real bike and let them bike outside in the winter. We're in Texas, they'll be fine. Battery-Powered Mercedes Benz Ride-On
Sorry, but if you can't afford a Mercedes G55 for yourself, the last thing you need to be wasting your money on is a battery-powered one for your spoiled brat of a kid. If you can afford a G-Class Benz, then, please, carry on with the buying of this toy. Connect 4 Launchers
Connect 4 was, and still is, one of the best games of all time. It's a simple competition of strategy to be enjoyed in its "travel form" on long car rides. Why would you add in a flying disc element? It changes what Connect 4 is at its core. We have no problem with disc launching types of games, but don't associate them with an American standard like Connect 4.
Monster High Dolls
Monsters would never dress in such scantily clad outfits as these. These dolls don't even look like monsters; they look like sluts.
We don't even know how to say this word and that makes us feel dumb. I happened to buy a much less elaborate Bakugan for my nephew last year and was anxious to see it in action. It did nothing; I think. I'm not even sure. It makes no sense. The Mechtavius is such a big deal that we found various YouTube videos on the subject of unearthing the Mechtavius Destroyer. Here is the description:
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Release the power of Mechtavius Destroyer! Transform your 4 powerful Mechtogans as they combine into one giant Mechtogan monster! Swipe you Mechtogan Destoyer Activator to reveal hidden G-power. Battle your way to victory with this super powered monster. Get the ultimate tool of destruction with the Mechtavius Destroyer!
What are you talking about? Our brain hurts.
Moon Dough Snack Shop
Moon Dough? Moon Dough? We would never buy our children generic Play-Doh, even if it can mold into tasty looking popcorn.