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Keep Houston Press Free
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Keep Texas Self-Deprecating

It seems there's a contest going on between Texas' major cities to see who can devise the most self-deprecating city slogan and slap it on a bumper sticker. The above sticker was created by Dallasites earlier this year, and the makers (appropriately) started a Facebook group on April 1.

Of course, in Houston we love anything that denigrates Dallas (and alliteratively, too). And we proudly adopt the phrase. The fact that it was created by actual Metroplex residents kind of takes the wind out of our sails, though, in same the way that volumes of Aggie jokes were first published by Texas A&M University.

We wanted to know if these slogans were unique to Texas, or if other cities engaged in the same self-hating behavior. On the contrary, results showed other major cities chose to keep themselves "clean," "green," "beautiful" and "safe." Well where's the fun in that? Only two other non-Texas cities (that we could find) were willing to play along.

See the sticky findings after the jump.

Keep Austin Weird Not really self-deprecating, and totally, totally, untrue. If there was ever anything weird about Austin, it went normal the second this slogan was uttered. (What was it they said about punk rock?) Houston is infinitely weirder than Austin, and it'll stay that way, because irony and underachievement are two of our great pastimes. In other words, Austin, you're trying too hard. We prefer this slogan instead:

Keep Houston Ugly Not really anything to be proud about (but you know, "weird" was taken), and considering the skyline and the relative pleasance of the inner-loop, not really true either--at least, it can't be the ugliest (Los Angeles). Of course, if we wanted to really hate on ourselves, we'd go with our own video curator Vernon Caldera's "Keep Houston Rich," or "Keep Houston Corporate," or even San Antonio's brazen punch in its own gut (the best so far).

Keep San Antonio Lame Come on guys, your NBA team has the best winning percentage in professional sports. There's a vibrant art scene. Great food. And you're the only city in Texas with tourism cache. But ... maybe you know something we don't, so ... OK.

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Keep Waco Wacko This slogan is really just an advertising gimmick for a coffee shop, but it's definitely accurate.

(Non-Texas)

Keep New Orleans Dirty Um, totally unfunny and bizarre. We can see why New Orleans would want to hold on to its old-world charm and sense-of-self in the face of a major tourism campaign to win back former residents and visitors. "Dirty" does the opposite.

Keep Portland Weird (See "Keep Austin Weird") Potentially cheapens every film Gus Van Sant's ever made. We like this one better:

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