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Let's Break Down 2012's "Most Googled Women in the World List"

First off, the most confusing thing about this "Most Googled Women in the World" list for 2012 is that Kate Upton, Christina Hendricks and Kat Dennings are nowhere to be found.

I thought they were really popular chicks with men and women, or is that just on Tumblr? I mean, Kate Upton was a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition cover girl and has jiggle-power, and Hendricks is on Mad Men and loves scotch, which should give her Google diamond status.

Maybe since Upton was so well, everywhere, people didn't need to go out of the way to search for her anyway. Kate Upton nude upskirt nipple naked boobs tits ass vagina free iPhone free iPad.

Now maybe that will help her numbers out a little bit more.

We don't like porn as much as previously thought....

Jenna Haze and Lisa Ann were the lists' only two porn stars, unless you count Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian. Haze is retired and now feature dances and directs movies, when she isn't Instagrammin'. This could also mean that we are getting our porn from Twitter and various free porn sites, like Free Ones and some of the bigger online "tube" outposts.

Political animals....

Just because someone is on this list, it doesn't mean that she is being searched for salacious reasons, or I guess I hope, since Honey Boo Boo is sitting pretty in between Christina Aguilera and Miley Cyrus. Hillary Clinton and First Lady Michelle Obama are to one another at #40 and #39, barely beating out the pint-sized Kylie Minogue.

Being crazy and controversial helps...

That's why Madonna and Lindsay Lohan are on here still. Lohan's Playboy layout probably didn't hurt her standing at #30. If the boy-crazy Taylor Swift keeps up cooking bitchcakes, she'll be here to stay.

Being dead/influential/a cautionary tale is good for you...

Hello, Marilyn Monroe, Whitney Houston, Amy Winehouse and Lohan (again). Monroe's estate should be proud of all the ways girls are using her pictures for sad memes about being imperfect and damaged. Maybe that's why inked popper Demi Lovato is at #24.

Marry into royalty if you can...

Kate Middleton is at #45, and if things keep up in 2013, she will only go higher with the birth of her and William's first kid. And Avril Lavigne and Nickelback's Chad Kroeger announced their engagement, and he's music royalty in his own right.

Leaked n00dz....

Look, I think Vanessa Hudgens is just great and special, but if she didn't have naked photos all over the Internetz, she wouldn't be on here, even at #50, where she is now.

The perennials....

Everyone still loves Megan Fox, Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Alba, Halle Berry, Mariah Carey, Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston, and probably always will. Did you know that a simple blog I wrote in May about Scarlett's cleavage in the Avengers movie gets constant hits on the Art Attack site?

Duff hangs tuff....

Hilary Duff was searched 48,300,000 times, years removed from any substantial new music, movies or even TV, though that lesbian kiss on Gossip Girl has kept her on the minds of pervs all over. Having a baby this year hasn't hurt, either.

Dat ass...

Shakira is at #15, bro.

Pop Life....

Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, Carly Rae Jepsen, Fergie, Rihanna (ugh), Alicia Keys, Ke$ha, Jessie J, Katy Perry, Adele, Taylor Swift, Nicki Minaj, Beyoncé and Carrie Underwood remained strong. Who is Jessie J? She's a more-goth and British Katy Perry, I think.


No doubt little gals were only searching for Selena Gomez because of her ex, Justin Bieber, so they could post wildly angry comments and rage all over. Or older men were looking for her copious bikini shots. And the only reason I would Google Jennifer Lopez is for gross pictures of her, or old-school Selena pics. Kristen Stewart cheating on her Robert Pattinson was good for her rep, too.

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Grand dames....

Cher has held tight in 2012, making a solid showing at......#3????? Ahead of women who could be her grandchildren even.

Lana Del Ray At #1?

Lana Del Ray at #1? All this from one Saturday Night Live appearance, and no touring? Does her father know someone at Google who can cook the books?

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