Meme of the Week: The Misunderstood House Spider

This week's meme centers on the misunderstood and tragic lives of those tiny roommates in all of our dwellings that make sure we aren't overrun with even worse pests: the household spider. Scourge to squeamish women and unmanly men, the spider does more work for us humans than we want to imagine. Same goes for the roach, the snake, the joker and the smoker.

I'm only scared of spiders because I saw the cinematic masterpiece Arachnophobia one too many times when I was little, and the thought of being bitten in the shower, in my football helmet during practice and while eating popcorn by the multi-legged invaders was too much to bear.

The poor residents of Canaima, California were at the mercy of marauding spiders, and could only look to the smart, rugged Dr. Ross Jennings -- played by Jeff Daniels -- and the valiant pest control stylings of John Goodman's Delbert McClintock to save their town, and maybe even the world. Or at least a few counties.

I would like to say that I haven't killed many spiders in my life, but being a bored adolescent with a lighter and a thirst for inflicting pain on that which we don't understand or just fell asleep in biology and didn't care about doesn't afford you the reason to keep a poor spider alive.

So I give you The Misunderstood House Spider, full of sadness, loss and mortality. Spiders have many eyes, and cry many tears, it seems. Remember the next time you grab a lighter and some hairspray, or even a rolled up copy of your beloved Houston Press, that the lives you are ending aren't so different than your own, except spiders eat way more bed bugs than you do, on purpose. Yeah, you probably eat bugs in your sleep. Deal with it.

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Craig Hlavaty
Contact: Craig Hlavaty