You know what dudes love? Hot bodies in tight rubber outfits.
You know what dudes love? Hot bodies in tight rubber outfits.
Screengrab/Batman & Robin/Warner Bros.

Five "Men Only" Screenings the Alamo Drafthouse Should Run

I'm not offended there are guys out there that are upset that the Alamo Drafthouse decided to have “woman only” screens of Wonder Woman. The strong, angry, often completely buffoonish reactions were completely predictable. Some dudes, not all but some, just can't handle being told they're not invited to something. You know where I never see these dudes? Protesting outside women-only gyms. Make your own jokes about that one.

What does offend me is the lack of imagination these guys have when it comes to suggesting films for “male only” screenings the Drafthouse could have. There are literally thousands of movies in the world, and all these dudes can think up are Die Hard and Predator. Fine films, to be sure, but action movies exist post-Terminator 2; at the very least you could try and think outside the box and go with something like The Raid.

But fear not, gentlemen, because at least in one regard I am on your side: I do think that a few “male only” screenings wouldn't be the end of the world. After all, what could be better than getting together with your best bros and then sitting in the silent dark for a few hours while taking in the best bro-tastic movies cinema has to offer? Fingers crossed the Drafthouse listens.

5. Jeanne Dielman, 23 quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles
I hear dudes love gritty, epic crime movies, and Jeanne Dielman is nothing if not epic. Featuring a powerhouse lead performance by one of the most beautiful women of all time (Delphine Seyrig), this story of a prostitute stretches out to all of 201 minutes, every one of them fascinating. After watching this movie, you'll never look at meatloaf the same way again.

4. A League of Their Own
You know what's manly? Sports! Listen, you've watched Rocky and Rocky 4 more times than you can probably count, but as good as those films are, they don't even get close to matching the drama and high stakes of the saga of the Rockford Peaches. Plus, the male lead in the film is Tom Hanks, and everyone loves Tom Hanks.

3. Steel Magnolias
Part of the reason you and your boys go out for a guys night is to celebrate the power of friendship, and no film in history better illustrates the power and importance of friendship than Steel Magnolias. The gang at Truvy's Beauty Spot live and love as hard as they can, but where would they be without their friends? In love and death, you need bros who have your back. This film is a good reminder of that.

2. Cruising
You want to watch a real macho movie with your fellow men? Look no further than William Friedkin's Cruising, featuring major macho badass Al Pacino. Hell, go ahead and dress up for this one; just make sure you know what your bandana means if that's the flag you choose to wave.

1. Batman and Robin
Does this whole Wonder Woman thing have you convinced men should get a superhero screening of their own? Excellent. You guys like Batman, right?

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