At 41, I've had many, many hangovers in my time. One doesn't get booted from two colleges and serve close to a decade as the music editor of an alternative weekly without having at least some knowledge of the day after the night before.
Still, one I perpetrated on myself in high school has reigned above them all for lo these many years. Call it the wrath of grapes, because it came the morning after an evening drinking a whole fifth of Mexican brandy mixed with Coke.
With that demonic admixture, I had maxed out the hangover-enhancing trifecta:
1. Sheer bulk of alcohol -- Check.
2. Darkest of dark liquors (and an economy brand, at that): Check again.
3. Vast quantities of sugar: Boy howdy.
When I came to the next day on the floor of my buddy's parents' TV room, my mouth felt and tasted like the road to Stalingrad. A mockingbird singing three houses down jarred me as if Black Sabbath had set up shop 10 feet away.
But worst of all was my head -- each one of my eyeballs apparently had its own miniature Spanish Inquisition flailing away, jabbing them with white-hot pokers one minute, stretching them on the rack 'til they creaked the next, drawing and quartering them with their fire-breathing little death-steeds when their was nothing else to do.
Merely blinking was painful. Turning my head was as arduous as steering an aircraft carrier into a cramped harbor.
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In my case, that bottle of Don Pedro had lived up Ambrose Bierce's definition of brandy in every respect: "A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts clarified Satan."
How about you? What's your worst?
If you missed out on our Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides contest (which is now closed) never fear: We've got another movie giveaway in store for you. Post your best hangover story in the comments below for a chance to win a pair of passes to see The Hangover II in advance of its Memorial Day Weekend release . The screening is on May 23 at 7:30 p.m. at Edwards Marq*E, 7620 Katy Freeway. Enter. We already shared our story with you.
The fine print: Arrive early. Seating is on a first-come, first-served basis and the screening is over-booked to ensure a full house and to compensate for no-shows. The tickets are not a guarantee of admission.