Earlier this year my tiny black heart was broken into a million tinier and slightly blacker pieces when I read on Twitter that former-Runaway turned greatest woman in '80s metal Lita Ford had died in a tragic Jet Ski accident. I've harbored an enormous crush on Ford since I was a young child being babysat by MTV while the paid babysitters experimented with teenage pregnancy on my parent's bed in the next room. One of the reasons that I became a music and entertainment journalist was in hopes of one day meeting her. Now I'll have to get backstage passes to the great gig in the sky.
Or you know, I could just put in for press passes next time she comes through because it turns out that Twitter is not exactly reliable when it comes to this sort of thing.
Ford is fine, as are more than a dozen different celebrities of various fame who one way or another got obituaries when they were still breathing. Paris Hilton ate it in a made-up car accident earlier this year. It was actually her second toe-tagging, having been reportedly stabbed to death in 2007. That yarn was the work of a fan who was upset that her jail term wasn't receiving the front page coverage he felt it deserved and upped the ante with a made-up story.
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Hilton is out-deathed by Eddie Murphy, who had his fifth false demise in July. Once again he met his supposed end in a snowboarding accident, which is apparently the only way that folks can conceive of Murphy dying.
However they were briefly shuffled loose of this mortal coil, all of these stars are fine and healthy. Still, for a brief moment their fans were afraid that they'd lost a hero, and in the name of that temporary loss, we've put together a video tribute to that heartache. Here's to all of you that the Internet tried to off in 2012.
Special thanks to Bill Curtner of The Ghost of Cliff Burton for providing the music!