Oh Canada, indeed. Every time things get dodgy over here in the U.S. of A., like right now, we have secret flights of fancy. Sadly, the only other country that seems worth re-rooting in always winds up being Canada. Normally we would mock Canada for its laid-back, socialized behavior and love of Labatt Blue, but lately the country to the north is looking better and better. Given this past year's economic woes, government disputes, bizarre weather and disappointing World Series, Canada has been quickly moving up our "grass is greener" list.
There is no way, of course, that we would move to Canada without giving their television schedule a good look see. Do they air Breaking Bad in Canada? Does cable television exist there? Do they even know what a DVR is?
We decided to take a stroll through their current daytime lineup and were happy enough to see that even Canada airs Americana-crap such as the Dr. Phil Show and The View. Primetime Canadian television also borrows much of our bland programming, with titles like Castle, The X Factor and (shudder) Whitney filling their evenings.
But what in the Sam Hell... they also have a whole slew of TV shows that we've never even heard of such as eTalk, an Access Hollywood type and Unforgettable. (Never mind, we just learned that we have this here too; odd, given its namesake.)
Canadian television that has made its way over has always been outstanding; think about You Can't Do That on Television, Kids in the Hall or Degrassi Junior High! Glancing over the various Canadian networks, there are many more worthwhile sounding programs the Canucks are selfishly keeping to themselves.
Since we are honestly never moving to Canada, but are now envious of their television programming, Art Attack is formally proposing to whomever it is that makes TV possible to please bring some of these shows our way. If you can't buy the rights (haha, good joke), then just steal their TV show ideas. If you need to know which ones we'd like to see rebooted in the U.S., here they are: The Littlest Hobo Why are all our kids' shows violent and ADHD-inducing? Here's a lovely show about a German shepherd who becomes friends and a "hero" to all whom he meets. It's Lassie, but not as saccharine-sweet. Hobo has no family, he just keeps moving on, helping people as he goes. There's a real American hero right there. Little Mosque on the Prairie Oh, just your typical "comedic look at a small town in the Muslim community." A Muslim man marries a converted white chick, and hilarity ensues! The show claims to be a traditional sitcom about "the fundamental Muslim views clashing against more liberal Muslim interpretations." America needs this show. Battle of the Blades
It's like Skating with the Stars, but with professional skaters and hockey players that can actually compete against each other. And there's that nerdy Canadian charm to it as well, eh?
Michael: Tuesdays & Thursdays
This comedy is about a psychiatrist who is using his psychotic patient for a book deal on how to handle psychotic patients. It is described as an "unconventional friendship" akin to our Perfect Strangers. The idea that a doctor would take advantage of his messed-up patient is completely unethical and potentially brilliant, and certainly nothing we'd ever have on here. Think about our psychiatrist/patient shows. Aside from Dr. Katz, which doesn't count, our mental health doctors are always so serious like Gabriel Byrne's In Treatment or over-analytical like The Sopranos' Dr. Melfi. This country needs to make fun of its television psychiatrists for once. Murdoch Mysteries It's a detective show set in the 1890s, but the main character, Detective Murdoch, solves his cases using methods of detection that didn't exist in the 1890s, called "criminalistics." The show makes out-of-timeframe/context references to futuristic inventions and games like Clue. We don't even understand how this show has not been created here in the States! It's CSI: 1800s.
Todd and the Book of Pure Evil High school students living in a Satanist-dominated small town, and it's a comedy? It's Canada's answer to Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but if Buffy bumped into Bill and Ted along the way to Sunnydale. Bring it here!
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It's a news show for sci-fi geeks with a rocking, metal opening. Why don't we have this?
The Doodlebops Yo Gabba, gabba out of our faces! The Doodlebops are way more frightening and promote rock music to children, which we all know is sinful. Our kids need a little evil in their morning coco-puffs. Let's get this show on Nick Jr stat!