That's it. We're done. We're leaving this show behind the way Lot left Sodom. We're throwing our keys inside the window of a broken down car and never looking back. This show is terrible, and they literally can't pay us to watch another episode.
Funny thing was, we didn't think that when it started out this week. The credits showed us we could expect another appearance by Lee Arenberg as Grumpy, and as usual he does wonders with nothing at all. We knew the episode was heavy on Robert Carlyle as Rumpelstiltskin/Mr. Gold, and he remains one of the few characters who have more depth than a freshman's first Dungeons and Dragons attempt.
The beginning was promising. We opened at the whole fairy godmother portion of the Cinderella story... with the rather abrupt change of having Rumpelstiltskin kill the fairy godmother for her wand. Though Cinderella begs him to help her with the whole gown, ball and prince thing, he tells her that a) the wand is pure evil and b) that all magic comes with a price. He advises her to change her own life rather than relying on sorcery.
That, friends and enemies, is the last good thing that happens besides some impressive line delivery by Carlyle. Cinderella disregards Rumpelstiltskin's advice and offers anything for the quick and easy way out of her life. He complies by requesting a favor down the line, she agrees, and later down the line Rumpelstiltskin tells her he wants to claim her first born child as payment. She refuses, and attempts to best him with magic. Her actions lead to his imprisonment, but also the loss of her prince.
In Storybrooke, Cinderella is a pregnant maid named Ashley. A chance encounter with Emma in which Emma advises her to take control of her life prompts Ashley to break into Mr. Gold's pawn shop, steal something, assault him, then run for the border. Gold hires Emma to bring her back, and she discovers in the course of her investigation that Emma had struck a deal with Ashley for a large payment in return for custody of her child once born.
Look, we don't know which of the show's writers is adopted and working through his rage in the scenes of Once Upon a Time, and we no longer care. The insultingly heavy-handed treatment of Henry reuniting with his birth mother, who will solve all his problems with the woman who raised him, was bad enough. However, since we already know that she literally is evil, we can let that slide.
This though... it's just too much. One thing we can praise Glee for was having the balls to go through with Quinn giving up her baby. Any other show on network TV would've tried sucking up to the crowd that seems to believe that if a teenage mother just loves her baby enough it will all work out fine. Once Upon a Time not only doesn't have those balls, it's as anatomically useless as a Barbie Doll.
