Random Ephemera

Pop Culture Slap Fight: Alan Moore's God vs. Kevin Smith's God

As the staff bottle washer, astrolabe mechanic and Satanist, the realm of the divine is obviously outside my purview. Which is why being evil is so lucrative because all you have to do is...remove the person who holds said purview and boom! Purviewcity, population this guy. Thanks to a revelation in my last comic round-up, I get to do something I've always wanted to do: stage a catfight between the one true God(s).

God, they tell me, is everywhere, everything, and is so powerful that nothing can stop her except apparently gay marriage. Yes, I said her, and I have a very good reason to. The manifestations of the triune big cheese that will be battling for my malevolent pleasure are ladies.

I've selected what I feel are the best representatives in film and comic books for this purpose, though considering the comic book nerdiness of Kevin Smith, you could argue that I'm just sticking with comic books. Regardless, let's get ready to manifest.

In This Corner: Kevin Smith's Dogma is by far his most ambitious film, and features an impressive cast of A-list stars. It's all about the Catholic faith, both its pros and cons, as a young woman struggles through Christian mythology trying to both stop the unmaking of existence and rekindle the feeling of the holy within herself.

Ultimately, she meets God, in this case played by singer Alanis Morissette. Due to a clever trick by the demon Azreal, she spends most of the movie imprisoned in a comatose form that she'd assumed to have a few hours off to play skeeball. Though the omniscient master of all creation, she has a lonely, quirky side that is affable and warm despite being utterly mute ("Human beings have neither the aural nor the psychological capacity to withstand the awesome power of God's true voice. Were you to hear it, your mind would cave in and your heart would explode within your chest. We went through five Adams before we figured that one out." -- Metatron.)

And in This Corner: The supreme being of Alan Moore's mashed and meshed up universe for The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen finally makes her debut, coming down out of a rainstorm to thoroughly ruin the day of the antichrist birthed by Oliver Haddo. There's no way to ease into this, so I'm just going to say it. She's Mary Poppins. For a variety of legal reasons the comic never says that, but she flies down on an umbrella and bears all the mannerisms of the famous nanny right down to her affection for children.

Likewise, Moore never says for 100 percent that she is God, but when you claim that you appear on every page of the Bible, you're either God or the letter "E." Like Smith's God, she has complete control over all matter, but the similarities end there. Though not cold, she's mysterious, intractable and a much more cruel figure than the always forgiving flower child Morissette plays. She also speaks at length.

Interestingly, this ties into the Neil Gaiman universe as well. In his short story The Problem With Susan, he states that Poppins was Jesus' nanny, and not part of creation. This would either make her God herself, or an equally powerful being.

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Jef Rouner (not cis, he/him) is a contributing writer who covers politics, pop culture, social justice, video games, and online behavior. He is often a professional annoyance to the ignorant and hurtful.
Contact: Jef Rouner