Lee Harvey, you are a madman. When you stole that cow? And your friend tried to make it with the cow? I want to party with you, cowboy. - John Winger, Stripes
Bill Murray might as well have been talking about Prince Harry of Wales, the one member of the Royal Family that Countess Sophie and Fergie can all point to and go, "See? SEE? We're not that bad." Busted for smoking pot at 17, seen wearing a Nazi uniform at 20 and now photographed after apparently losing a game of "strip billiards" in a Vegas hotel with a couple of equally unclad ladies (in the game of strip billiards, everyone loses).
Really, who gives a shit? Fine, the Nazi thing was uncool, but Harry's single, phenomenally wealthy and probably has to fight eager women off with a stick (or scepter, whatever). At least he wasn't drinking absinthe out of a human skull while playing hotel-room field hockey with live puppies for pucks.
The bigger question remains: Is partying naked as fun as those '90s T-shirts made it out to be? Answer: You bet your ass it is. Doubly (or more so) when you're with like-minded folks. Seeing Harry's...unfortunate pics got me thinking: Which famous people would we like to party with sans vêtements?
First off, let's set some ground rules:
No porn stars -- Because where's the fun in that? They spend half their lives unclothed. I don't want bored people with barren souls at my naked fiesta.
No dead people -- I don't mean actual corpses...okay, we don't want those either, but we cant have dead famous people as options. There are just too many, and everyone would end up choosing Mae West.
No Charlie Sheen -- Because eww.
And then there's this:
Stephen Colbert I know Jon Stewart gets most of the love, but Colbert is consistently nastier and -- by definition -- funnier. This may never be topped.
Maya Rudolph My love of Rudolph is well-documented, if that one blog counts. Oh, girl, I'd play that Scorsese drinking game with you all night long.
Hugh Jackman Something for the ladies. No, really, he seems like an entertaining dude, and that name! There's probably a porn actor out there calling himself something like "Huge Jackoff," but I wouldn't know because we set all those Internet filters together, right, honey?
Helen Mirren I expect all haters to shut their yaps after checking out those bikini pics. The woman has been a stone fox for over four decades.
Idris Elba The Luther and The Wire actor might seem a bit tightly wound in his shows, it's just funny how everybody freaks out that he's English and effortlessly charming.
Elizabeth Banks Yeah, I don't normally dig on blonds, but Banks strikes me as very sincere and effusive, her love for Baz Luhrmann's Romeo + Juliet aside. Plus, well, I'd like to see her naked.
Jon Hamm It's every partygoing male's worst nightmare: the devilishly handsome rake who just happens to act/sing/clown around better than you. If you see Hamm hanging out at your naked party, you should just give up and get the hell out of there. After calling TMZ, of course.
George Clooney This was an iffy choice, because between him and Jackman, the only females left talking to your sorry ass would be the legally blind ones. But by all reports, Clooney's an entertaining guy to have around. And who knows? He might give that Return of the Killer Tomatoes! remake script of yours a look.
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Aishwarya Rai Fine, you got me. I don't particularly care about her personality.
And then there are those who didn't make the cut: Gwyneth Paltrow (too confident of her belonging on the list), Ryan Gosling (not that fun to be around), Brangelina (kids!), Lady Gaga (trying too hard).