Pop Rocks

Pop Rocks: Guess the Name of Bethenny Frankel's New Reality Show

No one saw this coming, except for those who did. Which is to say, everybody:

After less than three years of marriage, Bethenny Frankel and Jason Hoppy call it quits in an emotional breakup. While a source tells PEOPLE that a reconciliation is out of the question, both Frankel and Hoppy plan to keep things amicable for their daughter Bryn, 2. In the meantime, "Bethenny is devastated," says a friend. [...] They still live together in their Tribeca loft, a friend tells People. And a source says that Frankel successfully "fought tooth and nail" to move Bethenny's production to New York City next fall. "Bethenny would have loved to do the show in L.A., but she will not do that to her family," says a source. "No matter what, she wants to keep her family together."

A peripheral follower of Frankel's exploits since her Real Housewives of New York days, none of this is surprising to me. I'm kind of amazed Hoppy didn't bolt earlier, and -- contrary to all written human history -- having a baby somehow didn't magically solve their marital problems.

I know, I know, worrying about long-term psychological damage to a young child is bo-ring. The question on everybody's mind should be: What will be the name of Frankel's next Bravo show?

For those keeping score at home, here are her three shows thus far (not counting RHoNY or Skating with the Stars:

Bethenny Getting Married? (2010) which became Bethenny Ever After (2011-2012)

She also has a talk show called, surprisingly, Bethenny, which is supposedly set for syndication in 2013. Frankel has said she is done with reality TV and that the last episode of BEA would be her final foray into the genre. Presumably this statement was predicated upon the assumed success of her talk show. And why shouldn't she be confident? It isn't like any other marginal celebrities have ever failed in this area.

So let's be generous and give her a whole season before the plug is pulled on her new gig. She won't really need the money (Skinnygirl sold for $100 million), but Frankel's found a way to get herself on TV ever since she was one of the two finalists on the Martha Stewart-hosted Apprentice in 2002, so if the talk show goes belly up, it won't be long before she finds her way back to the boob tube, most likely in reality format.

As to the subject matter, the sky's the limit. Okay, not really. It will be about Bethenny Frankel, and in keeping with the rich traditions of the last three years, will likely keep her name in the title. Harder to predict is which direction the show will go. The following are a few of my suggestions, but feel free to offer your own in the comments.

Bethenny Gives Up On Men She's been married twice, and now divorced twice. Now, there's no evidence to suggest Frankel has ever been inclined to participate in same-sex relations, but a Bachelorette-style romp through New York and L.A.'s most eligible ladies would be ratings GOLD, Jerry. Bonus: the chance for heartfelt conversations with daughter Bryn about not being able to help who you love.

Also, plenty of scenes with chicks making out.

Bethenny/Shark Week Crossover The Discovery Channel's a bit of a joke these days, and could probably benefit from drawing Bravo's audience. Unfortunately, this would probably not be what I envisioned, which is Frankel dragged behind a boat in an attempt to lure "Air Jaws."

Bethenny Reunites with the Cast of Hollywood Hills 90028 This 1994 flop is notable for exactly one thing: It starred a then-23-year-old Bethenny Frankel. I'm not sure what she'd discuss with fellow 90028 alumni Shell Bergh (C.S.I., C.S.I. Miami) or Davey "Highclimber" Brown, but a sure blockbuster episode would be the one where Frankel's topless scene is referenced. Matter of fact, they should just lead in with that every episode.

Bethenny Plays in the BCS Title Game Hell, she couldn't have been worse than Notre Dame last night.

Bethenny Learns a Useful Trade and Drops Out of Public Consciousness Forever Ha-ha ... no.

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Peter Vonder Haar writes movie reviews for the Houston Press and the occasional book. The first three novels in the "Clarke & Clarke Mysteries" - Lucky Town, Point Blank, and Empty Sky - are out now.
Contact: Pete Vonder Haar